It's over for the Skins. This shit is starting to unravel. Zorn is on the hot keys in the hot seat. Portis is going off. The offensive line needs a complete overhaul. I've been saying this for three years now, JON JANSON AND CHRIS SAMUELS ARE NOT GOOD. Please get them off the fucking team. The rookies are laughable. I heard Fred Davis is too stupid to learn the offense. The others haven't done shit. Besides Chris Horton, this entire draft class is a bust. Speaking of busts, Jason Taylor is just that. He's not coming back next season. You'll see him fulfilling his dream of being a shitty version of the Rock, who is himself a poor man's Arnold. Way to be someone Jason, you washed up piece of shit. The next draft had better be nothing but O and D linemen. Either way, Vinny Cerrato is going to fuck it up. Next to Dan Snyder, he is the biggest joke in this organization. The rest of the league laughs at us because of you turd burglars. Fuck you both for fucking up our team. Why don't you take your seatbelts off and drive 100mph on the wrong side of the road, you fucking assclowns.
My picks last week were full of heartbreak. The games I lost were by 1, 1, and 1 1/2. Fuck you all. Time for more horeshit.*
*not bitter
New York Giants +3 at Dallas
While I am bitter about the Skins, oh how I love watching Jon's gay fantasy, TO, turn back into the team cancer that he really is. What's even funnier is it sounds like the Cowboys are starting to divide along racial lines. Why do I find that so amusing? That's a mystery. Homo and Witten are having secret meetings, then TO and Roy Williams are doing the same thing. When a team gets like this, it's nice to have a hard nosed coach who can make those fuckers fall back in line...wait, huh? Wade Phillips is still the coach? Well, they're fucked. And this team is laying points to the best team in the NFC? I don't care if it is in Dallas, that line is retarded.
Baltimore -2 1/2 vs. Pittsburgh
Last time these two teams met, the Ravens took the Steelers to OT and almost won the game. Now the Steelers O line is even more porous, and the Ravens D looks like it just keeps getting better. They will murder Truthlesberger, who refuses to learn that he can't hold onto the ball forever. Look for the Ravens to play that overloaded D line again to create matchup problems for the Steelers and harass that douchebag all day long.
New York Jets -7 1/2 vs. Buffalo
You know I hate lines like this, but I have to seize these final opportunities to bet against the Bills. They are so fucking pathetic. Way to put up 3 at home against the Dolphins last week, assclowns. Meanwhile, the Jets had a huge brainfuck last week and lost to the 49ers. It's now a three-way tie in the AFC East, and the Jets could really use this division win. It's gametime like a motherfucker for the Jets, and as much as I think he gets his dick sucked (mainly by John Madden) way too much, Jett (so funny, lo-fucking-l) Farve will come ready to play.
New England -6 1/2 at Oakland
Just like the Jets, the Patriots are competing for the division. Cassel got his shit back together. He's a free agent after this season, so look for him to get G'ed up with a big deal. And with all the hype the Lions are getting for being the worst team in history, the Raiders are still hot garbage. Plus, I like that number. Go with it, bitches.
Last week
1-3
For the year
31-20
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Week 14 shit
This happens every year. The Skins get a little hot, I get 3/4 wood, then they cut that trick off. The truth is, the Redskins are a mediocre team at best. The O-line can't protect Jason Campbell. Jason himself isn't lighting shit up. Zorn said he is going to his checkdowns too fast. In previous years, he was criticized for going to them too slow. If he throws one more pass short of the fucking first down, I'm going to run onto the field King-style and steal him in the face. Whatever it is, I can't remember the last time he dropped a bomb on a defense. We only have one receiver that defenses need to respect. There is absolutely positively no pass rush. And the worst of it all is that we just don't score touchdowns. We are 28th in the league in scoring, and the fucking Lions have more TDs than us. That is a motherfucking disgrace. This draft class was centered around addressing this problem of scoring in the passing attack, and so far it has been an unmitigated failure. We could even end up like the Lions of last year, starting 6-2 and missing the playoffs. I am fucking embarrassed for this team. As much as I love this team, the fact is there are players, coaches, or executives that should not be there. I am convinced we cannot win with this exact cast of characters. The best I am personally hoping for is sneaking into the playoffs. Getting a playoff win is a distant hope because this team really does not deserve it. I should have known this would happen when the rookies weren't working out, the defense could not rush the passer, and the O-line started getting banged up again. And did you know that we have a fucking losing record all time at FedEx field? That's a fucking abomination. It's the same old shit.
As much as I try, I cannot get away from college football. I know this topic is played out, but there is going to be a fucking revolt if they don't go to a fucking playoff system. Someone is going to get left out in the cold that can make a really good case, probably Texas even though they beat Oklahoma at a neutral field. But it still looks like Oklahoma (I know they love to lose big games like the Big 12 championship, but they won't lose to Missouri) is going to play the winner of Florida vs. Alabama (which I want to pick this week). Then I hear USC and Penn State trying to make their own cases. Why they don't just stick all those teams in a fucking playoff and settle it that way, I don't understand. For fuck sake, if it's about money, you can still get paid off the playoff games you idiots. The NFL fucking prints money in January off their playoff games. I have a feeling they're going to be burning mattresses in the streets in Austin after all this gets settled.
I was out of town last weekend, which is why I wasn't able to pick winners. By the way, I'll be in DC for Christmas. Hit me up if you guys are going to be around too. Also, I am going to the Bears vs. Jaguars game this Sunday. The forecast high is 23 with a windchill of -3. Is that retarded? I am going to have to get all the way shitty to enjoy this game. And I will, getting there at 7am, and I'll be drinking at sunrise. Now on to the cash giveaway.
Alabama +10 vs. Florida
I know I don't usually pick college games, but this is too easy not to pick. First of all, Alabama is the number 1 team in the country. Nick Saban is going to be beating it into those players heads that they are being slapped in the fucking face, so they'll be way fucking motivated. Also, I have always heard if you ever see Nick Saban catching points, jump all over that shit. Consider this shit jumped on.
New England -4 1/2 at Seattle
Matt Cassel looked like doo doo last week at Pittsburgh, but it is obvious that he has monster games in him. Nothing like facing the league's worst pass defense to get back on track with another 400 yard game. Plus the Pats have a lot to play for. The AFC East is becoming a fucking bareknuckle fight, and they don't want to lose sight of the Jets. Expect that division to be decided in week 17.
Bears -6 1/2 vs. Jacksonville
Well I'm going to this (Lovie) trick, so I might as well pick it. The Jags have lost 3 straight, and I think their run D is wearing down as the year goes on. They let Steve Slaton put it in their butt (i.e. 130 and 2) last week. I wonder if Matt Forte is going to get a lot of looks this week. Hmm, that's a mystery.
Atlanta +3 at New Orleans
I've been getting rich off the Falcons this year. Once again, Vegas is taking out their pencil thin dick and slapping Atlanta in the face with that little trick. What is their fucking problem with this team? They don't run a gimmick offense. They aren't one dimensional. They have a good pass rush. Just accept that they aren't a fluke and give them their fucking props already. Ok, now that I got that out, I think the Saints are one dimensional. Their run game is a joke, which is starting to make me think about how Houston passed up on Reggie Bush. Charlie Casserly is starting to look like a motherfucking genius picking Mario Williams, who had 3 sacks last week by the way. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush is a punt returner and slot receiver at best. For whatever reason, he cannot run between the tackles, or stay healthy for that matter. Also, believe it or not, this is a huge game for Atlanta. The NFC South is really heating up with Carolina and Tampa Bay playing this week, and both are a full game ahead of Atlanta. That means the winner of that game will be alone in first place in the division, but still catchable. If Atlanta wins, then they will be tied for second in the division. In the end, the Falcons very likely will be fighting for a wild card spot, so they are going to need every division win they can get when it comes to tie break time. Count on the Falcons to be fully hyped for this game.
Last week
2-2
For the year
30-17
As much as I try, I cannot get away from college football. I know this topic is played out, but there is going to be a fucking revolt if they don't go to a fucking playoff system. Someone is going to get left out in the cold that can make a really good case, probably Texas even though they beat Oklahoma at a neutral field. But it still looks like Oklahoma (I know they love to lose big games like the Big 12 championship, but they won't lose to Missouri) is going to play the winner of Florida vs. Alabama (which I want to pick this week). Then I hear USC and Penn State trying to make their own cases. Why they don't just stick all those teams in a fucking playoff and settle it that way, I don't understand. For fuck sake, if it's about money, you can still get paid off the playoff games you idiots. The NFL fucking prints money in January off their playoff games. I have a feeling they're going to be burning mattresses in the streets in Austin after all this gets settled.
I was out of town last weekend, which is why I wasn't able to pick winners. By the way, I'll be in DC for Christmas. Hit me up if you guys are going to be around too. Also, I am going to the Bears vs. Jaguars game this Sunday. The forecast high is 23 with a windchill of -3. Is that retarded? I am going to have to get all the way shitty to enjoy this game. And I will, getting there at 7am, and I'll be drinking at sunrise. Now on to the cash giveaway.
Alabama +10 vs. Florida
I know I don't usually pick college games, but this is too easy not to pick. First of all, Alabama is the number 1 team in the country. Nick Saban is going to be beating it into those players heads that they are being slapped in the fucking face, so they'll be way fucking motivated. Also, I have always heard if you ever see Nick Saban catching points, jump all over that shit. Consider this shit jumped on.
New England -4 1/2 at Seattle
Matt Cassel looked like doo doo last week at Pittsburgh, but it is obvious that he has monster games in him. Nothing like facing the league's worst pass defense to get back on track with another 400 yard game. Plus the Pats have a lot to play for. The AFC East is becoming a fucking bareknuckle fight, and they don't want to lose sight of the Jets. Expect that division to be decided in week 17.
Bears -6 1/2 vs. Jacksonville
Well I'm going to this (Lovie) trick, so I might as well pick it. The Jags have lost 3 straight, and I think their run D is wearing down as the year goes on. They let Steve Slaton put it in their butt (i.e. 130 and 2) last week. I wonder if Matt Forte is going to get a lot of looks this week. Hmm, that's a mystery.
Atlanta +3 at New Orleans
I've been getting rich off the Falcons this year. Once again, Vegas is taking out their pencil thin dick and slapping Atlanta in the face with that little trick. What is their fucking problem with this team? They don't run a gimmick offense. They aren't one dimensional. They have a good pass rush. Just accept that they aren't a fluke and give them their fucking props already. Ok, now that I got that out, I think the Saints are one dimensional. Their run game is a joke, which is starting to make me think about how Houston passed up on Reggie Bush. Charlie Casserly is starting to look like a motherfucking genius picking Mario Williams, who had 3 sacks last week by the way. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush is a punt returner and slot receiver at best. For whatever reason, he cannot run between the tackles, or stay healthy for that matter. Also, believe it or not, this is a huge game for Atlanta. The NFC South is really heating up with Carolina and Tampa Bay playing this week, and both are a full game ahead of Atlanta. That means the winner of that game will be alone in first place in the division, but still catchable. If Atlanta wins, then they will be tied for second in the division. In the end, the Falcons very likely will be fighting for a wild card spot, so they are going to need every division win they can get when it comes to tie break time. Count on the Falcons to be fully hyped for this game.
Last week
2-2
For the year
30-17
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