How ‘bout them Cowboys?

I heard that line dozens of times last week. There are few better moments in sports than when your double digit underdog team handles what every football talking head considers the best team in sports, on the road, and who also just happens to be your nemesis in the greatest football rivalry of all time. Is it possible to get a greater win in the regular season? Hail to the Redskins!

What is making this even better is the impending meltdown of TO. You didn’t get enough targets? Seventeen passes and two rushes isn’t enough for you big guy? Maybe if you had caught even half of the balls thrown at you then you could’ve won that game. Shawn Springs is better than you. I hope he enjoyed the four touchdowns he caught last year when he was covered by Leigh Torrence and then-rookie Reed Doughty over the top because with Shawn Springs on him and LaRon Landry over the top he can’t do shit. A big ado is also being made about the lack of a Cowboy rushing attack last week. Why’d they give up on the run? First of all, they never established the pass. That’s how their offense works, back up the defense and then pound the ball. Second of all, we’ve got Marion Barber’s number. His career average is an impressive 4.4 yards per carry. His career average against the redskins is 2.1 yards per carry; in games he started against the skins it’s 1.9 yards per carry. I honestly don’t understand why we can shut him down so well but we do and I think Dallas knew it. They probably should’ve given Felix Jones a shot and I expect that’s what they’ll do in our next meeting.

The one turnover in that game was a thing of beauty. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time but having seen the replay I have to give a lot of credit to our new defensive coordinator because that play was designed to get a turnover. Watching Dallas their receivers often adjust their route when given a big cushion by the CB. With a 10+ yard cushion they run out to about 3 yards shy of the CB and stop. Carlos Rogers gave a 15 yard cushion and the second the ball snapped Chris Horton ran in a straight line to the 10 yard mark. Receiver stops and turns, Chris Horton catches the ball in front of him. Fucking beautiful.

Man I suck. 5-8 this week for an overall of 17-22.

 

I’m going to have to start calling Drew Nostradamus and shit. 8-0 the last two weeks? His record looks like a pickem more than somebody picking the spread. His fantasy curse remains prominent however. Shockey and Westbrook have both felt the sting, but what about Roethlisberger? He’s still playing and frankly this may be the longest his first QB pick has ever made it in a season. Personally I think his curse is developing a sense of malice. Instead of ending it quickly it has taken away the running game (Willie Parker and Mendenhall) and his offensive line (just lost another one to IR yesterday). Big Ben is going to catch John Kitna is sacks taken this year and it’s going to be grueling to watch. That game last night was awful. Two pitifully bad offenses combined with egregious penalties the entire game. What did I tell you about the Ravens? I believe Jon called that final field goal in OT a mercy flush and I couldn’t say it better.

Worst Headline of the Week: John Clayton on ESPN.com for "The Deuce is Finally Loose." We don't need to hear about your struggles with incontinence John.

We Want Dallas

Why does the NFL hate the fans?

More bitching I forgot to include in my last post!

The NFL controls which networks can show which games in which markets through a collective bargaining agreement with the television networks. This would be illegal if not for a congressional exemption that also requires no congressional oversight of the NFL’s activities. Fine, I can live with that, except that it is clearly punishing the fans. Not allowing networks to play or switch to good games is killing my interest in watching non-Redskins football games. For both Week 2 and Week 3 in this area we got only one game at 1pm and one game at 4pm, despite CBS and FOX playing Bull Riding and Beach Volleyball during the time slot respectively. When the Tampa at Chicago game went to overtime FOX actually cut the broadcast in favor of a half hour of post game show followed by volleyball. In the one second before I could find the remote to change channels they apologized that league rules did not allow them to carry the game past that time. Thanks NFL! I do applaud CBS, however, for continuing to play the Bengals/Giants OT game over the game that was scheduled and for playing Pittsburg at Philly which had a much higher potential for excitement than all the fucking Ravens games we usually see here. (Side Note: Has any team in the history of the NFL played more boring games than the Ravens?) CBS is obviously trying to show NFL fans what they want to see, FOX is at least regretful that they’re not allowed to. So, NFL, why are you punishing us?

Don’t even get me started on the NFL network and Sunday ticket debacles. I hate cable carriers as much as the next guy but the only reason cable doesn’t get both of those things is the enormous greed demonstrated by the NFL.

Edit: Gus Frerotte, really? Isn't that the guy who gave himself a concussion headbutting a wall after he ran in a touchdown? I'm shocked he's still in the league ... and alive.

Week 4 winners

Greetings bitches. I have to say, Chinese dumplings are the cure for hangovers. I went out last night Rick James style. "It's a celebration! Drink up! Be merry! And welcome to the China club, a-ching-a-chang-a-ching-chang!" I was still fucked up when I got home from class this morning, and those dumplings unfucked me in record time. I highly recommend it.

So Skins at Dallas. Conventional wisdom says that the Cowboys will win this game, but I am getting a vibe that the Skins can pull this one off. Step number one is to not let TO catch 4 TDs one you like he did last year. Shawn Springs, stop crying like a little bitch and get out there and play. I don't want to jinx them, but if I had to throw cash on that game, I'd probably take the Skins and the points.

Another thing, is Gus Ferotte really going to start for the Vikings? That is a fucking joke. They need to draft a QB. Or trade for Derek Anderson when the Browns bench him for Brady Quinn. For fuck sake, do something. The NFC North is wide the fuck open. Does Brad Childress just not want to take that division? There are a lot of decisions made in the NFL that I just don't understand. One decision that I do understand is the firing of Matt Millen. What a joke of a GM he is. I don't even care about the Lions, and I even feel good about that move.

Finally, please for the love of God, can the Eagles be a little more specific about Brian Westbrook? I heard he was in uniform today, but did not practice. Different news sources are saying different things. And because of my bye situation, I have to go with an Eagles RB. Fuck these game-time decisions.

Anyway, let me bless you degenerates with my locks.

Buffalo (-8) at St. Louis
Again, until it stings me.

San Diego (-7 1/2) at Oakland
The Chargers have finally woken up. They played well on every side of the ball last week, and they should keep it going this week in this division game. Plus, Lane Kiffin has to be distracted by all the bullshit going on in Oakland. He'll be fired any minute now, and Al Davis is a fucking retard.

Baltimore (+5 1/2) at Pittsburgh
The Steelers O-line is abysmal. Truthlesberger was sacks 8 times last week, and B-more's D looks strong again. They should be able to get to him all game. I like this game as low scoring and close to the end. Steelers will probably win, but only by a field goal or so.

NY Jets (-1) vs. Arizona
The Cardinals stayed in Tyson's Corner all week after the Skins game to stay on the East Coast. I think that move will backfire and disrupt the team. I don't think the Jets will lose their third in a row at home either.

Last week
4-0

For the year
8-3

Shitty calls of the week

I'm liking the Romeo Crennel Pussy Call of the Week. There need to be more of these, such as:

• The Scott Linehan Legal Murder of the Week (starting Trent Green)
• The Tony Sparano Garbage Truck Scam of the Week (Ronnie Brown having the game of his life)
• The Bill Belichick Fuck You We're Airing it Out Even Though We're Already Winning and We Could Kneel This Ball in the Third Quarter Play of the Week (Whoever Plays the Lions)
• The Brad Childress How Did You Not Make This Decision Four Weeks Ago Move of the Week (I'm going to say Romeo Crennel benching Derek Anderson YOU WORTHLESS FUCK)
  

Are you fucking serious?

The NFL keeps finding new ways to fuck my fantasy team.

There's no confusing it.

You hate Ed Hochuli. And good point about Ken Wisenhunt. What a stupid call. What would possess him to do that? Oh well, his stupidity is our gain.

Also, in case you hadn't herad this before, I heard that Vegas doesn't even issue some lines this early in the week because of issues that are still outstanding, which may be resolved later in the week; namely injuries. I figure that is the reason why the Eagles-Bears game still does not have a number. Because they are waiting for the injury report to come out on Thursday to figure out if Brian Westbrook is going to play or not, and I pray to God he is. I even heard that some games with a line that would be cartoonish, Vegas will not even take bets on them. But that really only happens in college.

By the way, can I get some props for sitting Jon's tubesteak-provider, Roethlisberger in favor of Philip Rivers? That call won my game this week in fantasy. And my picks went 4-0 this week. Winner! I have to enjoy it now because that sure as fuck won't happen again. Now I am going to probably get ignorant and come up with 5-game parlays or crazy teasers that will never hit.

Finally, you are all welcome for me causing Shockey's 6 - 8 week injury. I hate fantasy.

Week 3 Roundup

I fall one more game back this week in my picks. Good thing I’m not in Vegas… yet.

This week: 8-9 This season: 12-14

It seems every week I get more and more outraged at the poor officiating in the NFL. Jon and Drew can attest to how much I’ve always despised Ed “Guns” Hochuli, so I was originally happy that everyone else could no longer deny that he’s fucking terrible. Except that’s not what happened… everyone and their mother this last week has said how tragic it is because he is one of the best the NFL has to offer. First of all, everyone knows the robot who pretends to be a black guy is the best ref in the NFL. Secondly, Ed Hochuli sucks and has always sucked. See? Indisputable.


That's not holding; he's simulating what it's like to be on the receiving end of his blown calls.

Speaking of that terribly blown call in Denver, everyone is now praising Mike Shanahan for his gutsy call. What a coach! Let’s consider a couple things. It is statistically more probable to convert 2 than to win in overtime (55% to 50%... I didn’t even need to look up that second number, ask me how I did it!). So he made the mathematically correct decision. That isn’t gutsy but it certainly shows more brains than most “punt on 4th and 1” coaches. But just like it wasn’t a gutsy call he also wasn’t playing those odds. He knew there was no chance he could win in overtime. The Ed Hochuli makeup call was coming and he had to end the game before it struck. If he didn’t go for two he would’ve lost that game in OT after a mysterious pass interference call put the Bolts in field goal range. So my praise still goes to Shanahan but not because he’s got the balls of steel everyone thinks he does; he gets my praise because he had a better realization for the position he was in than anyone gives him credit for.

Romeo Crennel Pussy Call of the Week Award: Ken Wisenhunt punts on 4th and 4 from near midfield with two minutes left in the game. Redskins nation thanks you for giving up, pansy.

Time for picks…
Buffalo (-8) over St. Louis
Atlanta (+7) at Carolina
Philly (-3) at Chicago
Cincinnati (-3.5) over Cleveland
Washington (+11.5) at Dallas
Denver (-9) at Kansas City
Jacksonville (-7.5) over Houston
San Francisco (+6.5) at New Orleans
Arizona (+2.5) at NY Jets
San Diego (-7.5) at Oakland
Green Bay (-1) at Tampa Bay
Tennessee (-3) over Minnesota
Baltimore (+5.5) at Pittsburg

The Curse

...continues. Just axe Shockey and Brian Westbrook. Although, I am a game away from picking a a full load of winners this week. Plus, I need Philip Rivers to drop bombs on the Jets tonight to have a chance in fantasy this week. Needless to say, I am riding the Chargers jock pretty hard tonight.

Foosball

I figure I'll just do them all this week.

Kansas City (+6) at Atlanta

Two teams that looks pretty bad right now so I'll go with the home team.

Oakland (+9.5) at Buffalo

9.5 is just too big not to like.

Houston (+5) at Tennessee

This one will be close to the line. The Titans defense will shut down the Schaub but can they score any points?

Cincinnati (+13.5) at NYG

Nasty Natty could be as bad as the Rams.

Arizona (+3) at Washington

Arizona may be 2-0 but they've played the 49ers and the Dolphins.

Miami (+12.5) at New England

Matt Cassell is the truth!

Tampa Bay (+3) at Chicago

Kyle Orton is also somewhat truth-like? Why else would Drew start him as a fantasy QB when he was a rookie?

Carolina (+3.5) at Minnesota

Why is Minnesota favored?

St. Louis (+13.5) at Seattle

The Rams are awful but so is Seattle. I've got to take 13.5.

Detroit (+4) at San Francisco

Sorry Jon, I've got to take the underdog because I think this game is a toss up.

New Orleans (+5.5) at Denver

Side bet: taking the over (51).

Pittsburg (+3.5) at Philadelphia

This game has the potential to be really good.

Jacksonville (+5) at Indianapolis

The Colts are getting healthy, the Jags are not.

Cleveland (+2) at Baltimore

The Browns blow. Look for Romeo Crennel to kick a field goal at the end of the game while down 4 points to fuck me.

Dallas (-3) at Green Bay

This pains me greatly. I want to be wrong.

NYJ (+9) at San Diego

J-E-T-S S-U-C-K

Week 3 winners

I am getting in a little early this week because from 12 noon tomorrow on I am going to be blotto like a motherfucker pretty much this whole weekend. Actually, come to think of it, I might actually pick winners better drunk. Especially because I never look at the fucking weather report before I pick. Motherfucking Steelers. Although, I am a little proud of myself about the Eagles-Cowboys pick. Jealous? You know you're jealous. Also, my fantasy team is surprisingly still career-ending injury-free. Take that 7 years of bad karma.

Couple of quick shots. I still think TO is mentally unstable. I mean he invoked Jeff Garcia. That was like 6 years ago. Hopefully that offensive burst by the Skins wasn't a fluke. It still felt so strained in the first half though. You MUST take advantage of turnovers and gifts, in general, in the NFL. A win is a win, but it shouldn't have been that close. The NFC East is the toughest division in football, hands down. Vince Young is a nutjob. There are too many indicators that point to that to think otherwise. The Seahawks were a shell of their former selves going into this season anyway, but they are really fucked now with their first 6 receivers injured. And NFC West is a filthy cesspool, in general. I can't believe one of those teams is actually going to go to the playoffs. Anyway, enough ranting, I know you are all waiting for me to bless you with my winners.

Seattle (-9 1/2) vs. St. Louis
Now I am actually serious about this. I am betting against the Rams every week now until it stings me. Even with wideouts coming in off the street, Seattle should still be able to beat the Rams by double digits. Take Seattle laying the wood at home.

San Diego (-9) vs. NY Jets
Jets traveling across the country. Monday night. And the Jets lost by 9 to a Matt Cassel-led Patriots team last week at home. Wait until they have to travel to San Diego and have Philip Rivers dismantle them. Plus the Chargers are probably still pissed about that botched call last week by Mike's mancrush, Ed Hochuli, that allowed the Broncos to go on to win. Either way, they need a win right fucking now.

Baltimore (-2 1/2) vs. Cleveland
The Ravens are coming off a bye, and playing at home. And Mike is right, Romeo Crennel is inept as fuck. The Browns are a fucking fraud and will loose by a field goal to the purple and black.

Oakland (+9 1/2) at Buffalo
That sure is a big number for a team like the Bills to be laying. I know it is Oakland, and they are traveling cross-country. But feeding Darren McFadden should be enough to keep this game within 10.

Last week
3-2

For the year
4-3

Here I Am; Rock You Like a Hurricane

Living and dying with the Redskins becomes difficult in a game where the lead changes five times and the game isn’t clinched until the final minutes. Missed field goals and blown redzone opportunities allowed the Saints to lead a good portion of the game and it turned into one of the more exciting games I’ve seen so far this year. I see all the commentary about how the game turned in the 4^th quarter led by Jason Campbell suddenly “maturing” but I think there is actually a single play that we can attribute to the Redskins triumphant come from behind win. With roughly eleven minutes left in the game the Redskins had the ball in their own redzone; Campbell takes the snap and is sacked back at his own five… and it was all over for the Saints. The announcers called it a “coverage sack” because he seemed to have time but nowhere to throw the ball. Coverage is an understatement. What the refs missed was cornerback Aaron Glenn tackling Santana Moss and, while it went uncalled, it ended up a huge benefit to Washington because Glenn actually injured himself doing it. Now the Saints secondary was already hurt by injury, so this was particularly bad for them as it lead to rookie cornerback Tracy Porter coming into the game. Welcome to the NFL Porter and enjoy it now because you won’t be here long. The Redskins proceeded to connect on their next eight consecutive passes, all targeting Porter's side, for 150+ yards in the air, two touchdowns, and the game clinching first down. This young corner looked befuddled and at one point I felt pretty bad for him. Now the Saints are already blaming injuries and why not they were missing three defensive starters (Skins were missing two, though nothing I've read has mentioned it). I honestly don't care how bad the Saints are – getting the first win with a new coach and a new system is critically important for the team psychologically. It shows themselves and everyone else that this system can work and that this coach can win. Despite problems, a lot of problems, I think this win can lead us to become a much better team. Also, it's a celebration bitches!

I also had the misfortune of watching the late game last night. Man that could not have been more boring. When I said I couldn't think of a reason the Steelers wouldn't blast them I have to admit I didn't think about high winds and heavy rain making the passing game useless. Still, if Romeo Crennel wasn't a big fat fucking pussy the Steelers would've covered. When you're losing by 7 and you kick a field goal with 3 minutes left in the game you should be thrown out of the god damn NFL. You weren't playing to win, you were playing to lose by less. Until you play to win you'll always be a loser you ugly motherfucker. I'm going to do something here called a cheerleader sandwich to make it more bearable.

One thought for the Monday night game. The upside is that somebody has to lose. The down side is that somebody has to win. Also for the love of God why is TO still on ESPN talking about McNabb? Nobody cares... and he mentioned Jeff Garcia as I typed that. Why do you love this douche so much Jon?

This week 2-3

Overall 4-5

Last second picks...

Taking the under for New Orleans at Washington (42 points).

Week 2 winners

That was a pretty funny post to Jesus. I do not even have much specific beef with Brady, but even I was happy when he went down. It just feels like the universe is a little more balanced now. Mike, Jon, and I were all happy at the same time for the same reason? Better take a picture because that sure as hell won't happen again.

Anyway, here are the winners for week 2.

Green Bay (-3) at Detroit
The Packers have to feel good about a win that they earned the hard way last week against their rivals from the NFC North, the Vikings. Meanwhile, Detroit's defense let a rookie QB making his first NFL start hang 34 on them. Their offense can score quick, but look for the Packers to easily cover that number.

NY Giants (-8 1/2) at St. Louis
I was actually paying attention to the Rams-Eagles game last week. The Rams are the worst team in the NFL. Their secondary, in particular, is a joke. I am inclined to bet against them, no matter what the number or who they are playing, until it stings me.

Pittsburgh (-6) at Cleveland
Cleveland is a the second biggest fraud in the league, next to the Giants, of course. Meanwhile, Pittsburgh looked way strong last week. I know it was against the Texans, but Cleveland isn't really that much better. Bottom line, the Steelers should be able to win this by a touchdown.

Philadelphia (+7) at Dallas
I like this number. It will be tough for the Eagles to win this game on the road and playing a division team that is the best in the conference. But I think they can keep it within 3 or 4.

By the way, Chad Johnson is listed on the Bengals roster as Chad Ocho Cinco. I love the NFL.

Last week
1-1
For the year
1-1

Praise be to Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I know it's been awhile since we last talked, but I figured I should drop on by and give you big e-props for ruining Tom Brady's season. You really have no idea just how much of a difference this makes. Last week I was trying to figure out how to catch football highlights without watching Mike Ditka and Emmitt Smith bear wrestle each other to swallow Tom's cock first. Now who are they going to deepthroat? Tony Romo? Emmitt Smith can't even say that name without getting censored. Here are some of the awesome things that this has done:

• Removed him from my fucking sight on Sundays
• Dropped the Patriots from Super Bowl favorite to a slightly above average team with a wide receiver waiting to quit on his QB
• made it impossible for Tom Brady to have sex with his girlfriend standing up (HA, choke on that one!)
• led to the crushed dreams of thousands of self-righteous Boston sports fans

Seriously, this makes up for all those lame Christmases. In fact, I think that this deserves to be its own holiday. I know you don't like to take all the credit, what with the whole separation of church and state, and I wouldn't want something as magnificent as this to be tied to any specific religion when everyone from Jews to Kwanzaa-ites can also celebrate in it. Perhaps this should be called Bernard Pollard Day? Is a day enough? My only regret is that Pollard only got the knee instead of taking the time to do something more like this.

Side note: all the Boston fans need to shut the fuck up about the play being dirty. Holy crap, the player didn't quit on the play, even though Sammie Morris did! How dare he fight through a block to reach the quarterback! Two hand touch rules only when it comes to Brady! Seriously, go get assfisted by some Southie skinhead.

You know what I really love, Jesus? All the fantasy football players that have gotten absolutely fucked by this. Let's face it, watching people's fantasy teams fail is always hilarious (please see Drew's teams from 2003-2045, assuming he isn't choked to death before then), but it's even funnier when their season is ruined in the first half of the first game of the season.

I'm sure there are some skeptics that don't believe you're responsible for this. Perhaps you could give them a sign by sacrificing another player, maybe someone like Shawne Merri--wait, what? PRAISE BE TO JESUS!

Jett Favre

I'll also take the Patriots (+1.5) at NYJ. Patriots the underdogs?

The Jets were one completion away from losing to the Dolphins! Matt Cassel with a week of practice on the first team wins this game. I want to pick the 49ers at seattle (currently +7) but Seattle is such a different team at home, despite their injury riddled sorry excuse for a football team. I do like...

Pittsburgh (-6) at Cleveland.
Cleveland collapsed and gave up for the Cowboys at home. I see no reason why they wont do the same for the Steelers. I've really got to pick a home team this week.

Oakland (+3.5) at Kansas City
Hey, it's Oakland, they just gave up 41 points to Snake Jr.

Run, don't walk...

...to your bookie, because Vegas is giving away money. The Redskins/Saints game is a pick'em right now. I have a feeling that number is going to change a lot by later in this week. So I want to get in on this now. The Skins were actually favored by 1 yesterday. I love the Skins and all, but they are not as talented as the Saints even with home field advantage. I hope I am wrong, but I think this pick will hit 9 times out of 10. I'd be stupid NOT to pick this game. More winners later this week. Homos.

Week 1 in review

Not the greatest start to the year, 1-2 on my picks and 1-0 on my upset. 50/50 overall thus far. Turns out Houston isn't anywhere near as good as I gave them credit for and I severely underestimated the Tennessee defense. 8 sacks, 2 picks and only 7 points? Where did that come from? I wish I had gotten to see some of that game. Garrard only had 3 picks all of last season, he's my backup fantasy QB for that reason, it makes me wonder if his consistency has fallen off just that much or if the Titans D is just that good. In the future I think I'll take my own advice and not lay my picks so heavily on visiting teams.


All the Sunday Night Football crew could talk about was how Chicago was “stunning” the colts and everyone else. Yeah, they stunned everyone who doesn't remember what a healthy Chicago defense can do and has been in a cave regarding Manning's surgery. After the game Urlacher looked really insulted by a sideline reporter who suggested their win was a “huge upset.” The only thing that stunned me was the bears offense which put up 20 points. Not stellar or anything but when you're expecting more like 6, well, it's surprising. I think this makes them overachievers, as 6 points from the offense would've still won the game. I wonder why nobody accused Lovie Smith of running up the score during the press conference? How competitive does the NFC north look all of a sudden?


While I'm on the subject of the Sunday Night Football crew I've got to rant a little about how they're consistently phoning it in. They seem to make whatever random comment comes to mind whether or not it's based on any kind of even rudimentary knowledge of the team or, in the case of some comments, the past 15 minutes. Since we got to hear from these chuckle heads twice already this week I'm going to point out one remark from each game, though there are certainly more if I wanted to really draw this out. During the Washington at New Jersey game the announcers remarked that the one thing you can count on is that a Tom Coughlin coached team is always a disciplined team. Now, they're old, so lets not hold it against them that they can't remember two years ago when the Giants lead the league in personal fouls. The fact is, in the game they were commenting on, the Giants had already committed two fifteen yard personal fouls! Icing on the cake came on the very next play when a late hit drew a third personal foul. Fast forward to the Sunday night game. Bears have the ball at midfield, 3rd and 6. Draw play, Matt Forte up the middle breaks off a 51 yard touchdown run. Next Bears possession, 3rd and 5, draw play, Matt Forte up the middle for little or no gain. The announcers jump in with “teams usually assume they can run this draw play on the colts because their ends come to the outside so quickly, but not on third down, they protect it. You can't run the draw play on the colts on third down.” Excuse me? How can you so quickly forget a 51 yard touchdown run? Thanks for the insightful commentating NBC. How much do these guys get paid? I hear a lot of people complaining about players who don't try hard enough, what about announcers?


So Tom Brady is out for the year. Football talking heads declare this to be just awful. I mean, he's the “elite” of the NFL. He's what the fans come to see! Fuck him. His team cheated and then played like poor sportsmen the entirety of the previous season. Karma assholes. As a Redskins fan I hate the Giants but I was still happy to see the Patriots “perfect” season fail. I'm also happy to see Tom Brady injured because I think the NFL is better off with a mediocre Patriots team. This also opens up the very real possibility of Jett Favre winning the AFC East. I still give the edge to the Patriots in the division, but it'll be a lot tighter now. Somebody will declare the Bills to be the front runner in the AFC East with the impressive win over the Seahawks. Beating the Seahawks on the road? Meaningless, the Bills still have a lot to prove. Let's examine Matt Cassell's assessment of the situation:

Week 1's best cheerleaders have to go to the Eagles. Check out the photo from philadelphiaeagles.com and note the domain in the link; somebody over there has a sense of humor.

Quick Picks

I have two papers due tomorrow, so I have to bless you with my picks real quick.

Denver -3 at Oakland

It's Oakland. It will take a while to integrate all those high priced new players, if it ever happens anyway. If you are really horny to throw cash, go under the 41, too. Neither offense is really that good, let alone 20+ points a piece good.

Minnesota +2 1/2 at Green Bay

Look for the Vikings to win this game outright. A bit of an upset, but I think the Minnesota front four are one of the scariest units in the whole league. They are going to be a nightmare to block, and they will be rushing a first year QB. The only thing that worries me about this pick is Tavaris Jackson.

Week 1

Don't have much time so I'll just throw up my picks for this week.

Jacksonville (-3) at Tennessee
The Titans just aren't very good. They made the playoffs because of the power disparity in the AFC. 5 great teams, 11 mediocre to awful teams. What does it say about a conference when only one playoff spot is really up for grabs at the start of the season?

Chicago (+9.5) at Indianapolis

Hard not to like such a big spread when Peyton isn't 100%.

Houston (+6.5) at Pittsburgh

Houston has put together quite a pass rush. Pittsburgh has put together a trifling offensive line. The Texans will lose but it'll be less than a touchdown.

Upset of the week? Buffalo over Seattle.

If you're into statistics you might notice I picked three visitors, which is not fundamentally sound. Unfortunately, I haven't seen Drew's picks yet to know who I should bet against.

Tatum Bell Stole My Post

Here we are less than 24 hours from football season and Drew couldn't get off his lazy ass to create the blog. So it falls to me, as is often the case with these endeavors, and now we've got a place to "web log" about football. It will quickly turn into "web bitching" as Drew's fantasy starters suffer career ending injuries and/or arrests and Jon's two teams (falcons/49ers) duke it out for 31st in the league. Nonetheless I'm sure everyone will return regularly for our insightful football commentary and stone cold betting locks of the week. If you need a better reason, drink every time one of us makes a gay joke. Just don't drink out of that beer pong cup, might get herpes.