It's over for the Skins. This shit is starting to unravel. Zorn is on the hot keys in the hot seat. Portis is going off. The offensive line needs a complete overhaul. I've been saying this for three years now, JON JANSON AND CHRIS SAMUELS ARE NOT GOOD. Please get them off the fucking team. The rookies are laughable. I heard Fred Davis is too stupid to learn the offense. The others haven't done shit. Besides Chris Horton, this entire draft class is a bust. Speaking of busts, Jason Taylor is just that. He's not coming back next season. You'll see him fulfilling his dream of being a shitty version of the Rock, who is himself a poor man's Arnold. Way to be someone Jason, you washed up piece of shit. The next draft had better be nothing but O and D linemen. Either way, Vinny Cerrato is going to fuck it up. Next to Dan Snyder, he is the biggest joke in this organization. The rest of the league laughs at us because of you turd burglars. Fuck you both for fucking up our team. Why don't you take your seatbelts off and drive 100mph on the wrong side of the road, you fucking assclowns.
My picks last week were full of heartbreak. The games I lost were by 1, 1, and 1 1/2. Fuck you all. Time for more horeshit.*
*not bitter
New York Giants +3 at Dallas
While I am bitter about the Skins, oh how I love watching Jon's gay fantasy, TO, turn back into the team cancer that he really is. What's even funnier is it sounds like the Cowboys are starting to divide along racial lines. Why do I find that so amusing? That's a mystery. Homo and Witten are having secret meetings, then TO and Roy Williams are doing the same thing. When a team gets like this, it's nice to have a hard nosed coach who can make those fuckers fall back in line...wait, huh? Wade Phillips is still the coach? Well, they're fucked. And this team is laying points to the best team in the NFC? I don't care if it is in Dallas, that line is retarded.
Baltimore -2 1/2 vs. Pittsburgh
Last time these two teams met, the Ravens took the Steelers to OT and almost won the game. Now the Steelers O line is even more porous, and the Ravens D looks like it just keeps getting better. They will murder Truthlesberger, who refuses to learn that he can't hold onto the ball forever. Look for the Ravens to play that overloaded D line again to create matchup problems for the Steelers and harass that douchebag all day long.
New York Jets -7 1/2 vs. Buffalo
You know I hate lines like this, but I have to seize these final opportunities to bet against the Bills. They are so fucking pathetic. Way to put up 3 at home against the Dolphins last week, assclowns. Meanwhile, the Jets had a huge brainfuck last week and lost to the 49ers. It's now a three-way tie in the AFC East, and the Jets could really use this division win. It's gametime like a motherfucker for the Jets, and as much as I think he gets his dick sucked (mainly by John Madden) way too much, Jett (so funny, lo-fucking-l) Farve will come ready to play.
New England -6 1/2 at Oakland
Just like the Jets, the Patriots are competing for the division. Cassel got his shit back together. He's a free agent after this season, so look for him to get G'ed up with a big deal. And with all the hype the Lions are getting for being the worst team in history, the Raiders are still hot garbage. Plus, I like that number. Go with it, bitches.
Last week
1-3
For the year
31-20
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Week 14 shit
This happens every year. The Skins get a little hot, I get 3/4 wood, then they cut that trick off. The truth is, the Redskins are a mediocre team at best. The O-line can't protect Jason Campbell. Jason himself isn't lighting shit up. Zorn said he is going to his checkdowns too fast. In previous years, he was criticized for going to them too slow. If he throws one more pass short of the fucking first down, I'm going to run onto the field King-style and steal him in the face. Whatever it is, I can't remember the last time he dropped a bomb on a defense. We only have one receiver that defenses need to respect. There is absolutely positively no pass rush. And the worst of it all is that we just don't score touchdowns. We are 28th in the league in scoring, and the fucking Lions have more TDs than us. That is a motherfucking disgrace. This draft class was centered around addressing this problem of scoring in the passing attack, and so far it has been an unmitigated failure. We could even end up like the Lions of last year, starting 6-2 and missing the playoffs. I am fucking embarrassed for this team. As much as I love this team, the fact is there are players, coaches, or executives that should not be there. I am convinced we cannot win with this exact cast of characters. The best I am personally hoping for is sneaking into the playoffs. Getting a playoff win is a distant hope because this team really does not deserve it. I should have known this would happen when the rookies weren't working out, the defense could not rush the passer, and the O-line started getting banged up again. And did you know that we have a fucking losing record all time at FedEx field? That's a fucking abomination. It's the same old shit.
As much as I try, I cannot get away from college football. I know this topic is played out, but there is going to be a fucking revolt if they don't go to a fucking playoff system. Someone is going to get left out in the cold that can make a really good case, probably Texas even though they beat Oklahoma at a neutral field. But it still looks like Oklahoma (I know they love to lose big games like the Big 12 championship, but they won't lose to Missouri) is going to play the winner of Florida vs. Alabama (which I want to pick this week). Then I hear USC and Penn State trying to make their own cases. Why they don't just stick all those teams in a fucking playoff and settle it that way, I don't understand. For fuck sake, if it's about money, you can still get paid off the playoff games you idiots. The NFL fucking prints money in January off their playoff games. I have a feeling they're going to be burning mattresses in the streets in Austin after all this gets settled.
I was out of town last weekend, which is why I wasn't able to pick winners. By the way, I'll be in DC for Christmas. Hit me up if you guys are going to be around too. Also, I am going to the Bears vs. Jaguars game this Sunday. The forecast high is 23 with a windchill of -3. Is that retarded? I am going to have to get all the way shitty to enjoy this game. And I will, getting there at 7am, and I'll be drinking at sunrise. Now on to the cash giveaway.
Alabama +10 vs. Florida
I know I don't usually pick college games, but this is too easy not to pick. First of all, Alabama is the number 1 team in the country. Nick Saban is going to be beating it into those players heads that they are being slapped in the fucking face, so they'll be way fucking motivated. Also, I have always heard if you ever see Nick Saban catching points, jump all over that shit. Consider this shit jumped on.
New England -4 1/2 at Seattle
Matt Cassel looked like doo doo last week at Pittsburgh, but it is obvious that he has monster games in him. Nothing like facing the league's worst pass defense to get back on track with another 400 yard game. Plus the Pats have a lot to play for. The AFC East is becoming a fucking bareknuckle fight, and they don't want to lose sight of the Jets. Expect that division to be decided in week 17.
Bears -6 1/2 vs. Jacksonville
Well I'm going to this (Lovie) trick, so I might as well pick it. The Jags have lost 3 straight, and I think their run D is wearing down as the year goes on. They let Steve Slaton put it in their butt (i.e. 130 and 2) last week. I wonder if Matt Forte is going to get a lot of looks this week. Hmm, that's a mystery.
Atlanta +3 at New Orleans
I've been getting rich off the Falcons this year. Once again, Vegas is taking out their pencil thin dick and slapping Atlanta in the face with that little trick. What is their fucking problem with this team? They don't run a gimmick offense. They aren't one dimensional. They have a good pass rush. Just accept that they aren't a fluke and give them their fucking props already. Ok, now that I got that out, I think the Saints are one dimensional. Their run game is a joke, which is starting to make me think about how Houston passed up on Reggie Bush. Charlie Casserly is starting to look like a motherfucking genius picking Mario Williams, who had 3 sacks last week by the way. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush is a punt returner and slot receiver at best. For whatever reason, he cannot run between the tackles, or stay healthy for that matter. Also, believe it or not, this is a huge game for Atlanta. The NFC South is really heating up with Carolina and Tampa Bay playing this week, and both are a full game ahead of Atlanta. That means the winner of that game will be alone in first place in the division, but still catchable. If Atlanta wins, then they will be tied for second in the division. In the end, the Falcons very likely will be fighting for a wild card spot, so they are going to need every division win they can get when it comes to tie break time. Count on the Falcons to be fully hyped for this game.
Last week
2-2
For the year
30-17
As much as I try, I cannot get away from college football. I know this topic is played out, but there is going to be a fucking revolt if they don't go to a fucking playoff system. Someone is going to get left out in the cold that can make a really good case, probably Texas even though they beat Oklahoma at a neutral field. But it still looks like Oklahoma (I know they love to lose big games like the Big 12 championship, but they won't lose to Missouri) is going to play the winner of Florida vs. Alabama (which I want to pick this week). Then I hear USC and Penn State trying to make their own cases. Why they don't just stick all those teams in a fucking playoff and settle it that way, I don't understand. For fuck sake, if it's about money, you can still get paid off the playoff games you idiots. The NFL fucking prints money in January off their playoff games. I have a feeling they're going to be burning mattresses in the streets in Austin after all this gets settled.
I was out of town last weekend, which is why I wasn't able to pick winners. By the way, I'll be in DC for Christmas. Hit me up if you guys are going to be around too. Also, I am going to the Bears vs. Jaguars game this Sunday. The forecast high is 23 with a windchill of -3. Is that retarded? I am going to have to get all the way shitty to enjoy this game. And I will, getting there at 7am, and I'll be drinking at sunrise. Now on to the cash giveaway.
Alabama +10 vs. Florida
I know I don't usually pick college games, but this is too easy not to pick. First of all, Alabama is the number 1 team in the country. Nick Saban is going to be beating it into those players heads that they are being slapped in the fucking face, so they'll be way fucking motivated. Also, I have always heard if you ever see Nick Saban catching points, jump all over that shit. Consider this shit jumped on.
New England -4 1/2 at Seattle
Matt Cassel looked like doo doo last week at Pittsburgh, but it is obvious that he has monster games in him. Nothing like facing the league's worst pass defense to get back on track with another 400 yard game. Plus the Pats have a lot to play for. The AFC East is becoming a fucking bareknuckle fight, and they don't want to lose sight of the Jets. Expect that division to be decided in week 17.
Bears -6 1/2 vs. Jacksonville
Well I'm going to this (Lovie) trick, so I might as well pick it. The Jags have lost 3 straight, and I think their run D is wearing down as the year goes on. They let Steve Slaton put it in their butt (i.e. 130 and 2) last week. I wonder if Matt Forte is going to get a lot of looks this week. Hmm, that's a mystery.
Atlanta +3 at New Orleans
I've been getting rich off the Falcons this year. Once again, Vegas is taking out their pencil thin dick and slapping Atlanta in the face with that little trick. What is their fucking problem with this team? They don't run a gimmick offense. They aren't one dimensional. They have a good pass rush. Just accept that they aren't a fluke and give them their fucking props already. Ok, now that I got that out, I think the Saints are one dimensional. Their run game is a joke, which is starting to make me think about how Houston passed up on Reggie Bush. Charlie Casserly is starting to look like a motherfucking genius picking Mario Williams, who had 3 sacks last week by the way. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush is a punt returner and slot receiver at best. For whatever reason, he cannot run between the tackles, or stay healthy for that matter. Also, believe it or not, this is a huge game for Atlanta. The NFC South is really heating up with Carolina and Tampa Bay playing this week, and both are a full game ahead of Atlanta. That means the winner of that game will be alone in first place in the division, but still catchable. If Atlanta wins, then they will be tied for second in the division. In the end, the Falcons very likely will be fighting for a wild card spot, so they are going to need every division win they can get when it comes to tie break time. Count on the Falcons to be fully hyped for this game.
Last week
2-2
For the year
30-17
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Week 12 prayers
It's official, the luster is off the Redskins' hot start. They are now just another mediocre team in the NFL that could go either way. My main concerns for this week are lack of pass rush (we are 27th in the league in sacks) and lack of finishing on offense (we are also 27th in average points scored per game). The effect of the later is we let teams hang around, and we never extend leads. Don't forget that we had the lead going into the 4th quarter against the Cowboys. I don't know what the solution to our problems are, but I can guarantee that we won't go far into the playoffs until they are solved. The good news is the Seahawks are next, who we should beat. Looking at the rest of the schedule, I would be happy with 10-6.
It's going to be a good couple months for going to games. You both know I saw LaBron put up 34 on the Jazz last Saturday. In a couple of weeks, I am going to the Bears-Jaguars game with my friend who's dad is a season ticket holder. Tailgating will be in full effect, and he guaranteed I would be way hammered by kickoff. Then Valparaiso will get the beatdown from North Carolina at the United Center right before Christmas break. Finally, before the end of the year, I should be going to a Saturday night Bulls game (was going to see the Wizards on Dec. 6, but that conflicts with Bears-Jags), which will lead nicely into getting ignorant at the club later. Chicago is turning out to be not half bad.
Speaking of the Wizards...I'm just going to convert to a Bulls fan. It's getting embarrassing at this point. And all their high end players just got new contracts, so it's going to be nearly impossible to move them now. I don't see this situation changing for a while. Also, Derrick Rose is legit.
Time for locks.
Denver (-9 1/2) vs. Oakland
The Raiders offense has not scored a touchdown in four straight games. I think I might just bet against them until they do. This week, they won't be able to keep up with the pass happy Broncos.
NY Giants (-3) at Arizona
The Cardinals offense is one dimensional, and the Giants actually have a pretty good secondary. Plus I think the Cards' record is a little fraudulent. They have been playing doo doo teams all year.
Cincinnati (+11) at Pittsburgh
The Steelers only put up 11 on the Chargers last week. I think the biggest factor in this game is the weather forecast is calling for snow showers on Thursday in Pittsburgh. I like that to mean the Steelers win, but don't cover the big number.
Indianapolis (+2 1/2) at San Diego
Naptown has won three in a row, and will probably be pushing for a wild card spot in the AFC in December. On the other side, the Chargers have looked like ass the past couple of weeks, even though they beat the Chiefs. By the way, did you see how long Philip Rivers held onto the ball when he took that safety? Did he suddenly go retarded? I need to know because he is my starting QB in fantasy. Has my fantasy curse expanded to include injuries of the intellect as well?
Last week
2-2
For the year
28-15
It's going to be a good couple months for going to games. You both know I saw LaBron put up 34 on the Jazz last Saturday. In a couple of weeks, I am going to the Bears-Jaguars game with my friend who's dad is a season ticket holder. Tailgating will be in full effect, and he guaranteed I would be way hammered by kickoff. Then Valparaiso will get the beatdown from North Carolina at the United Center right before Christmas break. Finally, before the end of the year, I should be going to a Saturday night Bulls game (was going to see the Wizards on Dec. 6, but that conflicts with Bears-Jags), which will lead nicely into getting ignorant at the club later. Chicago is turning out to be not half bad.
Speaking of the Wizards...I'm just going to convert to a Bulls fan. It's getting embarrassing at this point. And all their high end players just got new contracts, so it's going to be nearly impossible to move them now. I don't see this situation changing for a while. Also, Derrick Rose is legit.
Time for locks.
Denver (-9 1/2) vs. Oakland
The Raiders offense has not scored a touchdown in four straight games. I think I might just bet against them until they do. This week, they won't be able to keep up with the pass happy Broncos.
NY Giants (-3) at Arizona
The Cardinals offense is one dimensional, and the Giants actually have a pretty good secondary. Plus I think the Cards' record is a little fraudulent. They have been playing doo doo teams all year.
Cincinnati (+11) at Pittsburgh
The Steelers only put up 11 on the Chargers last week. I think the biggest factor in this game is the weather forecast is calling for snow showers on Thursday in Pittsburgh. I like that to mean the Steelers win, but don't cover the big number.
Indianapolis (+2 1/2) at San Diego
Naptown has won three in a row, and will probably be pushing for a wild card spot in the AFC in December. On the other side, the Chargers have looked like ass the past couple of weeks, even though they beat the Chiefs. By the way, did you see how long Philip Rivers held onto the ball when he took that safety? Did he suddenly go retarded? I need to know because he is my starting QB in fantasy. Has my fantasy curse expanded to include injuries of the intellect as well?
Last week
2-2
For the year
28-15
Monday, November 17, 2008
Well, we suck.
Yeah, the Redskins blow. Who wants to talk about football? I propose a new topic for the blog: the Last Starfighter.
"Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Kodan armada!"
How do they come up with that gold?
How do they come up with that gold?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Week 11 Free Money
I have a busy weekend planned. So I am going to get my picks in a little early and quick this week. I'll get right to the business.
Arizona (-3) at Seattle
The league's 2nd best pass offense is laying only 3 to the league's 2nd worst pass defense. Kurt Warner may drop back 60 times, which would be only a good thing.
Chicago (+3 1/2) at Green Bay
I was watching the Bears game last week with a bunch of lifelong Bears fans. After having experienced that, I would strongly advise Sexy Rexy to not go out in public in Chicago lest he get his dome split. Face it Lovie Trick, he will never stop being garbage. If you can't play your starter, go with the rookie. The Bears should be motivated to bounce back this week after playing the Titans tough and still losing. Also, the savior of Chicago, Orton, should be back this week. Even if the Packers win, I see it as being decided only by a field goal.
Tampa Bay (-4) vs. Minnesota
The Bucs are strong, and they had a bye to prepare for the Vikings. Minnesota is coming off a big win last week against the Packers, but they (Gus Frerotte) almost gave it away. It will take an extraordinary set of circumstances for the Vikings to win on the road with Gus's prerequisite 3 picks.
Miami (-10) vs. Oakland
The Raiders have not scored a touchdown in their last 3 games (think about that), and that will be a long trip to Miami. Meanwhile the Dolphins can make a move in the AFC East with the Jets and Pats beating up on each other Thursday night. I can't believe the Dolphins actually have something to play for.
Last week
2-2
For the year
26-13
Arizona (-3) at Seattle
The league's 2nd best pass offense is laying only 3 to the league's 2nd worst pass defense. Kurt Warner may drop back 60 times, which would be only a good thing.
Chicago (+3 1/2) at Green Bay
I was watching the Bears game last week with a bunch of lifelong Bears fans. After having experienced that, I would strongly advise Sexy Rexy to not go out in public in Chicago lest he get his dome split. Face it Lovie Trick, he will never stop being garbage. If you can't play your starter, go with the rookie. The Bears should be motivated to bounce back this week after playing the Titans tough and still losing. Also, the savior of Chicago, Orton, should be back this week. Even if the Packers win, I see it as being decided only by a field goal.
Tampa Bay (-4) vs. Minnesota
The Bucs are strong, and they had a bye to prepare for the Vikings. Minnesota is coming off a big win last week against the Packers, but they (Gus Frerotte) almost gave it away. It will take an extraordinary set of circumstances for the Vikings to win on the road with Gus's prerequisite 3 picks.
Miami (-10) vs. Oakland
The Raiders have not scored a touchdown in their last 3 games (think about that), and that will be a long trip to Miami. Meanwhile the Dolphins can make a move in the AFC East with the Jets and Pats beating up on each other Thursday night. I can't believe the Dolphins actually have something to play for.
Last week
2-2
For the year
26-13
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The return!
It only took 4 guys getting injured on his former team for the man, the legened, Tatum Bell returns! Hide your luggage.
Friday, November 7, 2008
SheAngelo, MeAngelo, DeAngelo
The Redskins got worked on Monday night, clearly. The defense was stellar until the offense had a punt blocked - it'd have been hard to expect them to keep playing with intensity after the offense was so inept it was clear that it didn't matter how well they played. It didn't help that Byron Leftwich proved how shitty a quarterback Roethlisberger really is ... just check the stat sheets, they both had exactly the same amount of time on the field.
As far as the fans go I have two theories. The first is that FedEx field is too big and is a huge pain in the ass to go see a game. The second theory holds that this could have only happend on a Monday night and only against the Steelers (who have so many degenerate fans in this area.) See here is the thing, us Redskins fans have jobs, we can't be out all night.
Lots of talk going on about this DeAngelo Hall thing. I think this is a no lose situation, we're paying the man NFL minimum wage. Some people are saying Springs is moving to free safety, which I think would be a bad move - LaRon Landry is awesome back there.
7-7 last week, 35-42 on the season. I'm going to make a comeback I tell you...
Falcons (-1) over Saints - The Falcons have been absolutely crushing teams with a weak defense, I'm looking at you New Orleans
Titans (-3) at Bears - Best team in the league vs. Sexy Rexy? Enough said.
Lions (+6.5) over Jaguars - If Detroit is going to win a game this year, this is it. Can the Jaguars lose to two winless teams in back to back weeks? Yes they can!
Dolphins (-8) over Seahawks - That's a hell of a trip.
Vikings (+2.5) over Packers - I don't like taking a line where losing by a field goal whores you but my gut tells me Green Bay can't be counted on this week.
Patriots (-3.5) over Bills - As soon as I believe in the Bills they prove I was right at the start. Fuck them.
Rams (+9) at Jets - I like the big lines given to mediocre teams.
Ravens (-1) at Texans - It's Houston people.
BYE (-6) over Cowboys - They can't cover shit.
Raiders (+9.5) over Panthers - I guess I just like big lines in general, Raiders have to be embarassed last week.
Steelers (-3) over Colts - That defense is fucking everywhere.
Chiefs (+15.5) at Chargers - Come on, 15.5? This isn't the '07 Patriots.
Eagles (+3) over Giants - Because a 3-way tie in the NFC east would be pandemonium
49ers (+9.5) over Cardinals - I take all 9+ lines, even this one... for some reason.
As far as the fans go I have two theories. The first is that FedEx field is too big and is a huge pain in the ass to go see a game. The second theory holds that this could have only happend on a Monday night and only against the Steelers (who have so many degenerate fans in this area.) See here is the thing, us Redskins fans have jobs, we can't be out all night.
Lots of talk going on about this DeAngelo Hall thing. I think this is a no lose situation, we're paying the man NFL minimum wage. Some people are saying Springs is moving to free safety, which I think would be a bad move - LaRon Landry is awesome back there.
7-7 last week, 35-42 on the season. I'm going to make a comeback I tell you...
Falcons (-1) over Saints - The Falcons have been absolutely crushing teams with a weak defense, I'm looking at you New Orleans
Titans (-3) at Bears - Best team in the league vs. Sexy Rexy? Enough said.
Lions (+6.5) over Jaguars - If Detroit is going to win a game this year, this is it. Can the Jaguars lose to two winless teams in back to back weeks? Yes they can!
Dolphins (-8) over Seahawks - That's a hell of a trip.
Vikings (+2.5) over Packers - I don't like taking a line where losing by a field goal whores you but my gut tells me Green Bay can't be counted on this week.
Patriots (-3.5) over Bills - As soon as I believe in the Bills they prove I was right at the start. Fuck them.
Rams (+9) at Jets - I like the big lines given to mediocre teams.
Ravens (-1) at Texans - It's Houston people.
BYE (-6) over Cowboys - They can't cover shit.
Raiders (+9.5) over Panthers - I guess I just like big lines in general, Raiders have to be embarassed last week.
Steelers (-3) over Colts - That defense is fucking everywhere.
Chiefs (+15.5) at Chargers - Come on, 15.5? This isn't the '07 Patriots.
Eagles (+3) over Giants - Because a 3-way tie in the NFC east would be pandemonium
49ers (+9.5) over Cardinals - I take all 9+ lines, even this one... for some reason.
Week 10 certainties
The king (*me) is back. I was one point from being 4-0 last week. I should have known better than to take a 4 point line. I don't know if you guys are the same, but I have certain numbers that I like and don't like. For instance, I love laying and hate getting 6 and a hook or 2 and a hook, and I love getting but hate laying numbers like 4 and 8. I am still debating with myself whether that is retarded or not. It's me so it probably is. Just go with the odds there.
Mike and I talked about this a little, but I am embarrassed as a Skins fan about how FedEx was overrun by Steelers fans on Monday night. I fucking hate Steelers fans so much, and those subhuman fucks should not be allowed to go into our house like that. What the fuck is wrong with this city? RFK used to be notorious for having a huge home field advantage. Where the fuck did that go? My gut tells me that this has a lot to do with how this team has been run from a business perspective, and I therefore blame Dan Snyder. And this brings up a side issue. It is such a pain in the ass to go to Skins games. I love watching Skins games live more than most other things in the whole world, but I hate the experience (getting to and from the stadium, parking, price gouging even for a sporting event, etc.). I hope Snyder changes that if/when he builds the new stadium.
I am not going to go off on the Skins game. I think it is pretty simple, the offense needs a lot of work. There are certain aspects that are really good, mostly the running game. But after starting two straight drives within the Steelers 40, you have to get at least one TD there. And everyone is responsible for that. Another thing, I heard Greg Blache say it best to Carlos Rogers. You are having a great year, but if you want to make it to Hawaii, you have to come up with those plays that he dropped. For fuck sake! Ball handling! Even I am getting tired of hearing myself say that. But the biggest thing is the offense. This is probably a playoff team, but we aren't going anywhere in December or January if we can't convert. The next game against Dallas is going to be huge. I want to see them (team and fans) get the motherfucking beat down. Fuck the Cowboys.
Time for more free money.
Tennessee (-3) at Chicago
This game is the simplest on the board this week. Rex Grossman will not be the QB to beat the Titans D for the first time. If you think he is, then let me know and I will have Tommy go back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you are a fucking retard.
Kansas City (+15 1/2) at San Diego
The Chiefs have been playing tough the past two weeks against two good teams. And the Chargers are not that great. They have a losing record, a shitty D, and their offense is one dimensional. What's with the slap-in-the-face line?
Detroit (+6 1/2) vs. Jacksonville
Didn't I just say that I hate taking this number? But I won last week betting against the Jags covering on the road, and I feel good about doing that again. Their offense is garbage. Don't look it up, but can you name one Jags receiver? I think their number one is white. That should tell you everything you need to know about their passing attack. You won't hear me say this often, but bet on the Lions.
Miami (-8) vs. Seattle
The Seahawks are an unmitigated disaster. Miami has the hot hand. And they have basically the longest trip possible for an NFL team to play a game. Lay the wood and take the Dolphins.
Last week
3-1
For the year
24-11
Mike and I talked about this a little, but I am embarrassed as a Skins fan about how FedEx was overrun by Steelers fans on Monday night. I fucking hate Steelers fans so much, and those subhuman fucks should not be allowed to go into our house like that. What the fuck is wrong with this city? RFK used to be notorious for having a huge home field advantage. Where the fuck did that go? My gut tells me that this has a lot to do with how this team has been run from a business perspective, and I therefore blame Dan Snyder. And this brings up a side issue. It is such a pain in the ass to go to Skins games. I love watching Skins games live more than most other things in the whole world, but I hate the experience (getting to and from the stadium, parking, price gouging even for a sporting event, etc.). I hope Snyder changes that if/when he builds the new stadium.
I am not going to go off on the Skins game. I think it is pretty simple, the offense needs a lot of work. There are certain aspects that are really good, mostly the running game. But after starting two straight drives within the Steelers 40, you have to get at least one TD there. And everyone is responsible for that. Another thing, I heard Greg Blache say it best to Carlos Rogers. You are having a great year, but if you want to make it to Hawaii, you have to come up with those plays that he dropped. For fuck sake! Ball handling! Even I am getting tired of hearing myself say that. But the biggest thing is the offense. This is probably a playoff team, but we aren't going anywhere in December or January if we can't convert. The next game against Dallas is going to be huge. I want to see them (team and fans) get the motherfucking beat down. Fuck the Cowboys.
Time for more free money.
Tennessee (-3) at Chicago
This game is the simplest on the board this week. Rex Grossman will not be the QB to beat the Titans D for the first time. If you think he is, then let me know and I will have Tommy go back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you are a fucking retard.
Kansas City (+15 1/2) at San Diego
The Chiefs have been playing tough the past two weeks against two good teams. And the Chargers are not that great. They have a losing record, a shitty D, and their offense is one dimensional. What's with the slap-in-the-face line?
Detroit (+6 1/2) vs. Jacksonville
Didn't I just say that I hate taking this number? But I won last week betting against the Jags covering on the road, and I feel good about doing that again. Their offense is garbage. Don't look it up, but can you name one Jags receiver? I think their number one is white. That should tell you everything you need to know about their passing attack. You won't hear me say this often, but bet on the Lions.
Miami (-8) vs. Seattle
The Seahawks are an unmitigated disaster. Miami has the hot hand. And they have basically the longest trip possible for an NFL team to play a game. Lay the wood and take the Dolphins.
Last week
3-1
For the year
24-11
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Week 9 picks that will get whored
Can you believe the call in that fucking Falcons-Eagles game? If the ref does not make that call, the 9 I catch with the Falcons makes me a big fat winner. Instead, the Eagles score a TD off that horseshit and win 27-14. I am not going to go as far as Mike and just pick against Nasty Natti every week, but I will do that for almost every week. I mean shit, Ocho Cinco says the Bengals can go Ocho and Ocho. Oh my G0d that is funny! How could a guy with gold fronts be wrong? This is the ultimate case of a team that has given up. I am not going to pick against them this week because Jacksonville is going on the road, and they are an offense that does not score a lot of points. I don't like laying more than 7 with an offense like that.
I have to disagree with Mike about the Redskins. I think they definitely deserve their 6-2 record. Despite the close scores, they have dominated the stat sheets. It may seem like the ball is just bouncing their way sometimes, but they are convincingly and consistently outplaying their opponents, even in the loss to the Rams. I think when you play like that, you deserve to win even those close games. I actually think it is only a matter of time before the Skins can start translating those long drives into more points. The reason that we have so many close games is because of a lot of secondary things. Penalties at key moments, turnovers, and missed opportunities for takeaways (I have been bitching about this forever now). Can Carlos Rogers hang onto a fucking interception, I mean for fuck sake. Despite those drops, he is actually doing well in coverage this year, and he hits hard for a corner (it hurts to praise him after talking shit for so long). I also think this team has a great attitude. They are really playing hard as a team, and it all starts with Zorn. He is like the polar opposite of Joe Gibbs or Lovie Trick. There is nothing apathetic about him.
I have to be honest. I am worried that we are going to go out there this week and not be able to get anything going on offense. The D plays well until they get tired from being on the field so much, and the Steelers break through. On the other hand, I think we match up well against them. If we can put together some long punishing drives, that league leading D will wear down. We need another big win like that to legitimize ourselves against after that Rams game.
Another thing, Mike Singletary is a fucking buffoon. I was all about him after his Vernon Davis tirade. I was all ready to strap up and play for him myself. But dropping your pants in the locker room to make a point that probably doesn't make a damn bit of sense. This is a new level of jackassary for the NFL.
One final thing, I love Halloween. Girls seem to love this excuse to dress up like filthy whores, and I am not mad at that one bit. Some of these girls got a brother ready to settle down and shit (haven't said that for a while).
Time for winners.
Atlanta (-3) at Oakland
The Raiders defense is supposed to be the good side of this team, and they let Joe Flacco hang 29 on them last week. Plus, the Falcons (and me) must be mad as a motherfucker for having that game stolen from them last week by the refs in Philadelphia.
Tennessee (-4) vs. Green Bay
The formula for the Titans in this game is simple. Run it down the Packer defense's throats all day long. They are ranked 25th against the run, and Chris Johnson and LenWhale (also hilarious) White are a strong combination.
Arizona (-3) at St. Louis
The dome and turf favor the Cardinals' pass-heavy offense. They are ranked 1st in the league in average points scored per game. And for fuck sake, look at the Rams stats. I don't care if they beat the Skins and Cowboys, they are still garbage.
Baltimore (+1 1/2) at Cleveland
I have said this before, strong defense wins road division games. And this is the ultimate case of a really good defense going against a joke of an offense. I cannot see how the Romeo Crannel led Browns offense will be able to score against the Ravens' D. And another thing, you should seize this opportunity to bet against Derek Anderson, because I think Brady Quinn is finally close to getting the nod.
Last week
2-2
For the year
21-10
I have to disagree with Mike about the Redskins. I think they definitely deserve their 6-2 record. Despite the close scores, they have dominated the stat sheets. It may seem like the ball is just bouncing their way sometimes, but they are convincingly and consistently outplaying their opponents, even in the loss to the Rams. I think when you play like that, you deserve to win even those close games. I actually think it is only a matter of time before the Skins can start translating those long drives into more points. The reason that we have so many close games is because of a lot of secondary things. Penalties at key moments, turnovers, and missed opportunities for takeaways (I have been bitching about this forever now). Can Carlos Rogers hang onto a fucking interception, I mean for fuck sake. Despite those drops, he is actually doing well in coverage this year, and he hits hard for a corner (it hurts to praise him after talking shit for so long). I also think this team has a great attitude. They are really playing hard as a team, and it all starts with Zorn. He is like the polar opposite of Joe Gibbs or Lovie Trick. There is nothing apathetic about him.
I have to be honest. I am worried that we are going to go out there this week and not be able to get anything going on offense. The D plays well until they get tired from being on the field so much, and the Steelers break through. On the other hand, I think we match up well against them. If we can put together some long punishing drives, that league leading D will wear down. We need another big win like that to legitimize ourselves against after that Rams game.
Another thing, Mike Singletary is a fucking buffoon. I was all about him after his Vernon Davis tirade. I was all ready to strap up and play for him myself. But dropping your pants in the locker room to make a point that probably doesn't make a damn bit of sense. This is a new level of jackassary for the NFL.
One final thing, I love Halloween. Girls seem to love this excuse to dress up like filthy whores, and I am not mad at that one bit. Some of these girls got a brother ready to settle down and shit (haven't said that for a while).
Time for winners.
Atlanta (-3) at Oakland
The Raiders defense is supposed to be the good side of this team, and they let Joe Flacco hang 29 on them last week. Plus, the Falcons (and me) must be mad as a motherfucker for having that game stolen from them last week by the refs in Philadelphia.
Tennessee (-4) vs. Green Bay
The formula for the Titans in this game is simple. Run it down the Packer defense's throats all day long. They are ranked 25th against the run, and Chris Johnson and LenWhale (also hilarious) White are a strong combination.
Arizona (-3) at St. Louis
The dome and turf favor the Cardinals' pass-heavy offense. They are ranked 1st in the league in average points scored per game. And for fuck sake, look at the Rams stats. I don't care if they beat the Skins and Cowboys, they are still garbage.
Baltimore (+1 1/2) at Cleveland
I have said this before, strong defense wins road division games. And this is the ultimate case of a really good defense going against a joke of an offense. I cannot see how the Romeo Crannel led Browns offense will be able to score against the Ravens' D. And another thing, you should seize this opportunity to bet against Derek Anderson, because I think Brady Quinn is finally close to getting the nod.
Last week
2-2
For the year
21-10
Unstoppable Force Meets Immovable Object
It’s time for the league’s leading rusher to square off against the league’s best defense. I believe the last time that happened we hung 208 yards on Philadelphia but they were selling out to keep Moss from making an impact. I think the Steelers have to flip the script and stuff the box, so hopefully Campbell can carry the offense, which could be very hard if Santana has to sit. Honestly I think the Redskins are lucky to be 6-2, they’re not really that good, so this game against the Steelers is going to be a real test. They could be that good if they’d stop floundering in the red zone with penalties and botched plays but they really haven’t shown any signs that they’re taking care of it. Everyone remembers the Lions were 6-2 last year right? Gotta keep it together. Win or lose the skins really need the bye next week, it seems like everybody is banged up.
First time this season my picks go positive, 7-5 for the week, 28-35 this season.
Dallas (+9) at New York Giants – I know the cowboys are struggling but offensively the Giants have looked like garbage the last two weeks, I don’t think they cover.
Buffalo (-5.5) over Jets – Buffalo needs to win by less than a single Jett Favre Snakedown? No question.
Detroit (+12.5) at Chicago – I know Neckbeard is looking hot but that’s a awful big line and the Lions have actually been competitive the last two weeks.
Jax (-7.5) at Nasty Natty – Like Drew with the Rams, I pick against Natty until it burns me. Hasn’t yet.
Ravens (+1.5) at Cleveland – I bet on the Browns upset last week and it paid off but I don’t think they know how to win two in a row.
Greenbay (+4.5) over Tennessee – I think GB coming off a bye hands the Titans their first loss in a upset.
Kansas City (+9) over Tampa Bay – Tampa’s offense is not so hot, I like the Chiefs to be able to cover at home.
St. Louis (+3) over Arizona – We all know the Cardinals can’t win on the East coast. St. Louis is closer to the right coast than the wrong coast, so I give it to the Rams.
Texans (+4.5) at Vikings – Why are the Vikings favored in this game? The Texans are a better team.
Denver (-3) over Miami – Porous pass defense can still shut down Pennington… right?
Atlanta (-3) at Oakland – Oakland sucks, what can I say. Atlanta should’ve covered (or won) against the Eagles last week but the refs fucked them hard.
Philadelphia (-7) at Seattle – Seahawks also suck, Eagles can beat them without Zebra assistance.
New England (+6) at Indy – That’s a huge line against a winning team visiting a losing team. Curious.
Washington (-1.5) over Pittsburg – I really thought the Steelers would’ve been the favorites here, I guess they’re giving us home field advantage despite the fact that the steelers have played better on the road all year.
First time this season my picks go positive, 7-5 for the week, 28-35 this season.
Dallas (+9) at New York Giants – I know the cowboys are struggling but offensively the Giants have looked like garbage the last two weeks, I don’t think they cover.
Buffalo (-5.5) over Jets – Buffalo needs to win by less than a single Jett Favre Snakedown? No question.
Detroit (+12.5) at Chicago – I know Neckbeard is looking hot but that’s a awful big line and the Lions have actually been competitive the last two weeks.
Jax (-7.5) at Nasty Natty – Like Drew with the Rams, I pick against Natty until it burns me. Hasn’t yet.
Ravens (+1.5) at Cleveland – I bet on the Browns upset last week and it paid off but I don’t think they know how to win two in a row.
Greenbay (+4.5) over Tennessee – I think GB coming off a bye hands the Titans their first loss in a upset.
Kansas City (+9) over Tampa Bay – Tampa’s offense is not so hot, I like the Chiefs to be able to cover at home.
St. Louis (+3) over Arizona – We all know the Cardinals can’t win on the East coast. St. Louis is closer to the right coast than the wrong coast, so I give it to the Rams.
Texans (+4.5) at Vikings – Why are the Vikings favored in this game? The Texans are a better team.
Denver (-3) over Miami – Porous pass defense can still shut down Pennington… right?
Atlanta (-3) at Oakland – Oakland sucks, what can I say. Atlanta should’ve covered (or won) against the Eagles last week but the refs fucked them hard.
Philadelphia (-7) at Seattle – Seahawks also suck, Eagles can beat them without Zebra assistance.
New England (+6) at Indy – That’s a huge line against a winning team visiting a losing team. Curious.
Washington (-1.5) over Pittsburg – I really thought the Steelers would’ve been the favorites here, I guess they’re giving us home field advantage despite the fact that the steelers have played better on the road all year.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Week 8
To start off this week, that Redskins game was way too close for me. A win is a win, but we have to find a way to get it in the end zone more. We are ranked 7th in total yards (3rd rushing, 19th passing), but only 23rd in total points. The Skins obviously have to start converting more of those long drives into 7 instead of 3 or 0 like we have been getting. I am almost inclined to blame the passing game problems on those worthless rookies. Our number one priority in the offseason was upgrading the passing game, and none of our top 3 draft picks have contributed this year. What a bunch of busts those are turning out to be. And who runs a reverse to a tight end? I know you cannot judge a draft pick until they get 2 or 3 years in the league, but they are not even getting their hands on the ball or even on the field at all. Chris Horton is the one bright spot of this draft class so far, and he was our fucking last pick.
Clinton Portis and the O-line are holding up their end of the bargain. Clinton Portis is getting his props, but the O-line is not getting much love. Portis would not be running like this unless he is also getting good blocking up front. And remember how much doubt there was about this line in the offseason and preseason? I sure as fuck have not heard anyone questioning them since the regular season has started. That silence should be taken as praise. No news is definitely good news.
And how about this league? It is so hard to pick winners because you never know what is going to happen. The Rams winning 2 in a row against really strong teams? Both the Pats and Colts look unstoppable one week, and the next they shit the bed. A game with Kyle Orton and Gus Frerotte starting at QB combine for 89 fucking points. Who can predict this shit? Oh well, fuck it. I am not going to start following college (any more than I am forced to) or anything. I will just have to stick to this gambling minefield.
Mike must be pissing his pants with joy. While the Skins look way strong, the Cowboys are imploding in front of our very eyes. Thanks for all the media access to your team Jerry Jones, fucking glamor whore. Get some more botox. I think they are suffering from a syndrome that a lot of NFL teams have; head coaches that should never have risen past the coordinator level. Wade Phillips, Norv Turner, Brad Childress, etc. I am sure they know their shit, maybe more than anyone out there, but they are not leaders. And the Cowboys are in a chaotic situation that has gotten out of their control. I heard that after the Rams loss (which ends my automatic picking against them every week), Jerry Jones yelled at the team. Isn't that the head coach's job? That tells me everything I need to know about this group of overrated frauds. And I don't want to hear the argument that this is because Homo is out. Those fudgepackers didn't lose to the Cardinals and get the beatdown from the Rams because the guy Jessica Simpson is getting shots in the face from has a busted finger. This isn't college, where one player can make or break a team. The NFL is much more complicated than that.
I got stung a little on my picks last week. The fucking Lions had to come back in the 4th quarter to make it an 7 point loss to the Texans, which didn't cover. And why do I keep giving New Orleans so much credit? I listen to the hype on them too much. Never again. Have fun watching the playoffs from home douchebags. Anyway, I see a few lines on the board that I think are way off, so I have a good feeling about this week.
Cincinnati (+9 1/2) at Houston
I laid this very number last week when the Texans played the woeful Lions. And I happen to think Nasty Nati is at least a more talented team than the Lions. Houston will fail to cover laying the wood once again this week, but I will be on the right side of it this time.
Atlanta (+9) at Philadelphia
Vegas is once again giving the Falcons disrespectful lines. The last time they did that, the Falcons beat the Bears outright. Are they aware that the Falcons have a better record than the Eagles? I almost smell upset here, but I am content just getting the big number. This is the third biggest number on the board this week, and it's being given to a 4-2 team. I could go on forever about how fucking idiotic I think this line is. Put your roll on the Falcons this week.
Seattle at San Francisco (Under 42)
Mad turmoil in both teams. This could be worst matchup all year. Although Nasty Nati and the Chiefs in week 17 also looks like a giant shitfest. Both games are going to be like watching two retards trying to fuck a doorknob. I don't know (or care) who wins. All I know is that Seneca Wallace and J.T. O'Sullivan will not lead their offenses to 21 a piece.
Dallas (-2 1/2) vs. Tampa Bay
The Cowboys are still a very talented team, and urgency should have arrived by now. It is really now or never for this team.
Last week
1-3
For the year
19-8
Clinton Portis and the O-line are holding up their end of the bargain. Clinton Portis is getting his props, but the O-line is not getting much love. Portis would not be running like this unless he is also getting good blocking up front. And remember how much doubt there was about this line in the offseason and preseason? I sure as fuck have not heard anyone questioning them since the regular season has started. That silence should be taken as praise. No news is definitely good news.
And how about this league? It is so hard to pick winners because you never know what is going to happen. The Rams winning 2 in a row against really strong teams? Both the Pats and Colts look unstoppable one week, and the next they shit the bed. A game with Kyle Orton and Gus Frerotte starting at QB combine for 89 fucking points. Who can predict this shit? Oh well, fuck it. I am not going to start following college (any more than I am forced to) or anything. I will just have to stick to this gambling minefield.
Mike must be pissing his pants with joy. While the Skins look way strong, the Cowboys are imploding in front of our very eyes. Thanks for all the media access to your team Jerry Jones, fucking glamor whore. Get some more botox. I think they are suffering from a syndrome that a lot of NFL teams have; head coaches that should never have risen past the coordinator level. Wade Phillips, Norv Turner, Brad Childress, etc. I am sure they know their shit, maybe more than anyone out there, but they are not leaders. And the Cowboys are in a chaotic situation that has gotten out of their control. I heard that after the Rams loss (which ends my automatic picking against them every week), Jerry Jones yelled at the team. Isn't that the head coach's job? That tells me everything I need to know about this group of overrated frauds. And I don't want to hear the argument that this is because Homo is out. Those fudgepackers didn't lose to the Cardinals and get the beatdown from the Rams because the guy Jessica Simpson is getting shots in the face from has a busted finger. This isn't college, where one player can make or break a team. The NFL is much more complicated than that.
I got stung a little on my picks last week. The fucking Lions had to come back in the 4th quarter to make it an 7 point loss to the Texans, which didn't cover. And why do I keep giving New Orleans so much credit? I listen to the hype on them too much. Never again. Have fun watching the playoffs from home douchebags. Anyway, I see a few lines on the board that I think are way off, so I have a good feeling about this week.
Cincinnati (+9 1/2) at Houston
I laid this very number last week when the Texans played the woeful Lions. And I happen to think Nasty Nati is at least a more talented team than the Lions. Houston will fail to cover laying the wood once again this week, but I will be on the right side of it this time.
Atlanta (+9) at Philadelphia
Vegas is once again giving the Falcons disrespectful lines. The last time they did that, the Falcons beat the Bears outright. Are they aware that the Falcons have a better record than the Eagles? I almost smell upset here, but I am content just getting the big number. This is the third biggest number on the board this week, and it's being given to a 4-2 team. I could go on forever about how fucking idiotic I think this line is. Put your roll on the Falcons this week.
Seattle at San Francisco (Under 42)
Mad turmoil in both teams. This could be worst matchup all year. Although Nasty Nati and the Chiefs in week 17 also looks like a giant shitfest. Both games are going to be like watching two retards trying to fuck a doorknob. I don't know (or care) who wins. All I know is that Seneca Wallace and J.T. O'Sullivan will not lead their offenses to 21 a piece.
Dallas (-2 1/2) vs. Tampa Bay
The Cowboys are still a very talented team, and urgency should have arrived by now. It is really now or never for this team.
Last week
1-3
For the year
19-8
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
T-t-t-too hot for TV!
So the Patriots are back getting off on running up the score. Bully for them. I hope Matt Cassel can prove just how mediocre Tom Brady really was. Of course, I’d also like them suffer horrible losses, like a blowout to Miami or something... man this season is good but they really need a career ending injury to another prick from that team to make it great. Somebody like Rodney Harrison, perhaps? Yeah I’m not done with the sour grapes just yet because you may have heard the Cowboys got blown up by the Rams and got robbed by the Lions in one week. There are so many hilarious TO moments still to come this season; I can’t wait.
Everyone at this time should take a minute to look at this list and take note on who is at the top: Link.
Really soak that in; I’ll wait.
My picks have reached a new level of sucking at 4-9 for 21-30 on the season. If you’re looking for an upset let me know and I’ll bet against your team. It is a long season and I’ve got plenty of time to make a comeback, so here we go:
Falcons (+9) at Eagles – I think Atlanta could actually win this.
Chiefs (+13) at NYJ – That’s too huge a line, right? I mean, KC is bad but so are the Jets.
Rams (+7) at Patriots – Patriots have been flip flopping all season and the Rams are hot right now.
Bills (-2) at Dolphins – I’m starting to believe the Bills may be decent. Prove me wrong assholes.
Ravens (-7) over Raiders – Way to kick a really long field goal, I guess you can’t be bad at everything.
Redskins (-7.5) at Lions – Please don’t choke again.
Panthers (-4.5) over Cardinals – No team this season has won travelling west to east and Arizona is especially bad at it throughout their entire existence in Arizona.
Saints (+3.5) over Chargers – This game is in London and a complete toss up because who knows what that field is like so I’m taking the underdog for the points.
Texans (-9.5) over Bengals – Fitz, Fitz, Fitz!
Browns (+7) at Jaguars – Who the hell knows who the Browns are but I think they’re better off without Winslow.
Steelers (+3) over Giants – Because fuck the Giants.
49ers (-5) over Seahawks – If there is a God, FOX will play a different game at 4. Agnostics are on the edge of their seats.
Titans (-4) over Colts – Because I traded for Peyton in fantasy.
Everyone at this time should take a minute to look at this list and take note on who is at the top: Link.
Really soak that in; I’ll wait.
My picks have reached a new level of sucking at 4-9 for 21-30 on the season. If you’re looking for an upset let me know and I’ll bet against your team. It is a long season and I’ve got plenty of time to make a comeback, so here we go:
Falcons (+9) at Eagles – I think Atlanta could actually win this.
Chiefs (+13) at NYJ – That’s too huge a line, right? I mean, KC is bad but so are the Jets.
Rams (+7) at Patriots – Patriots have been flip flopping all season and the Rams are hot right now.
Bills (-2) at Dolphins – I’m starting to believe the Bills may be decent. Prove me wrong assholes.
Ravens (-7) over Raiders – Way to kick a really long field goal, I guess you can’t be bad at everything.
Redskins (-7.5) at Lions – Please don’t choke again.
Panthers (-4.5) over Cardinals – No team this season has won travelling west to east and Arizona is especially bad at it throughout their entire existence in Arizona.
Saints (+3.5) over Chargers – This game is in London and a complete toss up because who knows what that field is like so I’m taking the underdog for the points.
Texans (-9.5) over Bengals – Fitz, Fitz, Fitz!
Browns (+7) at Jaguars – Who the hell knows who the Browns are but I think they’re better off without Winslow.
Steelers (+3) over Giants – Because fuck the Giants.
49ers (-5) over Seahawks – If there is a God, FOX will play a different game at 4. Agnostics are on the edge of their seats.
Titans (-4) over Colts – Because I traded for Peyton in fantasy.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Week 7 Blessings
I have said it before, and I will say it again. It is agonizing being a Redskins fan. It is difficult to believe the special teams played that bad. If our punting was better, we win that game. Punting.
Check this series of plays. 4:36 to go in the 3rd quarter. The Skins are punting on their own 7. Our sub-human punter kicks it 26 yards to our own 33. Then our defense forces a 3 and out, and the Rams kick a 44 yard field goal on 4th down. Let me ax you this, let me ax you this, how in the motherfuck does a team go 3 and out and still score points? All other things being equal, if Durrant Brooks can just kick an average punt, we win that game. And lets not forget that he has had 2 punts run back for TDs this year too. Someone should cut that guys limbs off and leave him in a horrible existence as a living torso. Thank Jesus they acted and got a new punter this week.
The stupid turnovers have to end also. Shit is going to happen, but Pete Kendall should know better than to try to run after catching the ball like that. Fall down. I did not get to see the game because they obviously played the Bears game out here, but I heard that they dropped a couple of interceptions also. I have been saying this for a while, the Redskins need to work on ball handling. They need to accept the gifts they are given, and minimize the gifts they give away. I knew that the only way the Rams were going to win was if they won the turnover battle big, and they did 3 to 1.
I have heard a lot of talk this week about the Redskins did not come ready to play. I also saw the highlights where the Rams were going nuts after the game like they just won the Super Bowl or some shit. Calm the fuck down idiots, you had 8 first downs. We almost had triple that number. You didn't deserve to win that game. You got lucky. I could not agree with Mike more. The Skins dominated that game on offense and defense. Don't think so? Look at the fucking stat sheet bitch. It's all Skins. It just shows how important turnovers are. And also, special teams, even punting, matters. If they play the same way they did on Sunday, they win that game 9 out of 10 times. That was a fluke. I am not worried about this team or necessarily disappointed in their overall performance last week. I am just fucking angry as hell at certain parts of the team. I hope the team takes this loss as hard as the fans are and get angry themselves. They need to go out there on Sunday and give the Browns (still the fraud of the AFC) the motherfucking beatdown.
Here is some more solid gold for you turd burglars.
Chicago (-3) vs. Minnesota
Division game. The Bears coming off a heart breaking loss last week to the Falcons. And the Vikings put up 12 points against the worst defense in the league. Again, Gus Frerotte is not the answer. Put your rubber-banded roll on the Bears this week.
Dallas (-7) at St. Louis
After a bye and the Skins game, I can finally get back to picking automatic winners against the Rams.
New Orleans (+3) at Carolina
Game of the week in a big NFC South matchup. The Saints could get back in the hunt for the division with a win on the road, and the Panthers need to get a win after playing like shit and ass in Tampa. I give the edge to the Saints because they have the momentum going in, and the Panthers running game is stalling. That probably has something to do with the injury situation on their line. Only one starting O-lineman has played every game this year. I can see this one going down to the final possession, which also favors a Saints pick.
Houston (-9 1/2) vs. Detroit
The Lions have the worst D in the league, and the Texans actually have a respectable offense. What's more, the Lions just traded away their most talented receiver, although he was clamoring to get the fuck out of there forever. The Lions are so bad, I am willing to take a 1-4 team laying the wood against them.
Last week
3-1
For the year
18-5
Check this series of plays. 4:36 to go in the 3rd quarter. The Skins are punting on their own 7. Our sub-human punter kicks it 26 yards to our own 33. Then our defense forces a 3 and out, and the Rams kick a 44 yard field goal on 4th down. Let me ax you this, let me ax you this, how in the motherfuck does a team go 3 and out and still score points? All other things being equal, if Durrant Brooks can just kick an average punt, we win that game. And lets not forget that he has had 2 punts run back for TDs this year too. Someone should cut that guys limbs off and leave him in a horrible existence as a living torso. Thank Jesus they acted and got a new punter this week.
The stupid turnovers have to end also. Shit is going to happen, but Pete Kendall should know better than to try to run after catching the ball like that. Fall down. I did not get to see the game because they obviously played the Bears game out here, but I heard that they dropped a couple of interceptions also. I have been saying this for a while, the Redskins need to work on ball handling. They need to accept the gifts they are given, and minimize the gifts they give away. I knew that the only way the Rams were going to win was if they won the turnover battle big, and they did 3 to 1.
I have heard a lot of talk this week about the Redskins did not come ready to play. I also saw the highlights where the Rams were going nuts after the game like they just won the Super Bowl or some shit. Calm the fuck down idiots, you had 8 first downs. We almost had triple that number. You didn't deserve to win that game. You got lucky. I could not agree with Mike more. The Skins dominated that game on offense and defense. Don't think so? Look at the fucking stat sheet bitch. It's all Skins. It just shows how important turnovers are. And also, special teams, even punting, matters. If they play the same way they did on Sunday, they win that game 9 out of 10 times. That was a fluke. I am not worried about this team or necessarily disappointed in their overall performance last week. I am just fucking angry as hell at certain parts of the team. I hope the team takes this loss as hard as the fans are and get angry themselves. They need to go out there on Sunday and give the Browns (still the fraud of the AFC) the motherfucking beatdown.
Here is some more solid gold for you turd burglars.
Chicago (-3) vs. Minnesota
Division game. The Bears coming off a heart breaking loss last week to the Falcons. And the Vikings put up 12 points against the worst defense in the league. Again, Gus Frerotte is not the answer. Put your rubber-banded roll on the Bears this week.
Dallas (-7) at St. Louis
After a bye and the Skins game, I can finally get back to picking automatic winners against the Rams.
New Orleans (+3) at Carolina
Game of the week in a big NFC South matchup. The Saints could get back in the hunt for the division with a win on the road, and the Panthers need to get a win after playing like shit and ass in Tampa. I give the edge to the Saints because they have the momentum going in, and the Panthers running game is stalling. That probably has something to do with the injury situation on their line. Only one starting O-lineman has played every game this year. I can see this one going down to the final possession, which also favors a Saints pick.
Houston (-9 1/2) vs. Detroit
The Lions have the worst D in the league, and the Texans actually have a respectable offense. What's more, the Lions just traded away their most talented receiver, although he was clamoring to get the fuck out of there forever. The Lions are so bad, I am willing to take a 1-4 team laying the wood against them.
Last week
3-1
For the year
18-5
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Welcome to the Circus
In reaction to hearing the news that the Cowboys had traded for Lions receiver Roy Williams, TO was so excited he could be heard singing:
(To the tune of Welcome to the Jungle, in the event you're retarded)
Welcome to the circus
We got cons 'n' addicts
We got everything you want
Willy we know the names
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the plays homey
We got your legal fees
In the circus
Welcome to the circus
Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n knees, knees
I love me some meeeee
Welcome to the circus
We take it week by week
If you want it you're gonna beg
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very talented guy
That's very hard to please
You can taste the bright lights
But you'll never be bigger than me
In the circus
Welcome to the circus
Feel my, my, my sob routine
I, I wanna hear me scream
Welcome to the circus
It gets worse here every week
Ya learn to live like a drama queen
In the circus where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll try to take it eventually
You can have all the touches you want
But you better not take them from me
In the circus
Welcome to the circus
Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n knees, knees
I love me some meeeee
(To the tune of Welcome to the Jungle, in the event you're retarded)
Welcome to the circus
We got cons 'n' addicts
We got everything you want
Willy we know the names
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the plays homey
We got your legal fees
In the circus
Welcome to the circus
Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n knees, knees
I love me some meeeee
Welcome to the circus
We take it week by week
If you want it you're gonna beg
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very talented guy
That's very hard to please
You can taste the bright lights
But you'll never be bigger than me
In the circus
Welcome to the circus
Feel my, my, my sob routine
I, I wanna hear me scream
Welcome to the circus
It gets worse here every week
Ya learn to live like a drama queen
In the circus where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll try to take it eventually
You can have all the touches you want
But you better not take them from me
In the circus
Welcome to the circus
Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n knees, knees
I love me some meeeee
Monday, October 13, 2008
The fearsome Rams
368 yards to 200 yards.
208 in the air to 136
181 on the ground to 76
208 in the air to 136
181 on the ground to 76
Only the Redskins could lose with that stat line. Absolute domination on both sides of the ball. Running the ball at will; Portis averaged 6+ yards per carry on 21 carries. The defense only gave up two field goals. It also turned the ball over on the two. I propose that after the offense ran in from the 2 after the turnover had they simply taken three knees and punted the rest of the game we would've won.
Three ball breaking turnovers and horrifying special teams, almost unbelievable that the special teams were SO BAD that a dominating offense and defense couldn't make up for it. Credit to the Rams for accepting our gifts, after their opening drive they didn't throw the game away like they usually do.
There are a couple silver linings here and some sweet sweet schaudenfraud. The first good thing is that we did dominate on both sides of the ball, so really just some ball handling to work on and we're still a very good team. The second is the lesson the Redskins will (hopefully) learn from this. They looked past this game and you can't do that in the NFL. Do the Rams suck? Yes, but they're still an NFL team and you can't sleep on anybody in the NFL. If the Redskins learn that they will be 6-2 going into their bye. Almost making up for the Redskins loss is the Cowboys losing. Huzzah! Losing a defacto home game in Arizona in overtime (that game should never have gone to OT, the refs fucked that game hard) AND losing Tony Romo for a month. Take that chumps. (As I type this New York is also down 2 scores, but the Browns are busy collapsing before the half. Edit: Yes yes that rocked.)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I bent my wookie
You may think I missed my picks last week because of the embarrassing performance I put up two weeks ago. Let me assure you that I am the better picker and I am ashamed to have lost two weeks in a row to inferior picks. Just because I’m 0-2 in my divisional picks and riding in last place will not prevent me from talking shit, I assure you. What? My electrifying running back was drafted by Drew and is now injured, leaving me to carry the offen.. er picks? Time to start thinking about next season, assuming I don’t blow out a knee in the next few weeks and end up traded to Minnesota during the off season and end up losing the starting job to a guy who head butts walls because I one hop five yard passes.
McNabb’s McWhining aside, I couldn’t pick last week because I was on travel to the Far East. Much farther than China, I’m talking California far. The Schaub was out this last week (bruised self esteem 1-2 weeks) so check out the Wise Sage Rosenfels at the end of his 56 minutes of career comeback goodness:
Awesome.
So the Redskins, man, wow. The offense is getting a lot of love, probably because we haven’t had one in a decade, and they deserve it. Hanging 200+ on the league’s top run defense? Impressive. Ending the game with a 7+ minute drive? Almost an old school Riggo drill if they didn’t attempt those two passes. Still as much as the offense has improved I think we need to look at the defense as the reason we’ve won these last four games. In five weeks we’ve faced the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 9th best offenses in the entire league and held all of them to their lowest yardage of the season. The defense may be ranked only 13th in the league but consider the caliber of offenses we’ve faced I think that’s damn good.
I still think this week is going to be a test for the Redskins on a number of levels. The Redskins have a recent history of some bad trends that point to possible problems in this game. Foremost, they’re constantly playing down to their opponents. It seems like every game is close regardless of if we’re playing a great team or a Detroit-esque team. We need to put St. Louis down with authority if we’re for real. We’re also a huge favorite and thus far the Redskins have thrived on being the underdogs. It’s time to find new motivation to perform and they need to find it fast. Despite St. Louis being a good candidate for 0-16 (much better than Miami was last year by the way, they lost so many close games) this is a real test of the Redskins’ character.
I see Drew is hating on Kyle ‘The Bottle’ Orton. Well, I was going to start another player but because you’re talking shit and I’ve got you this week in fantasy… prepare to face the wrath of Neckbeard. Last time I said I liked a player for fantasy and didn’t start him the asshole scored 5 TDs – not making that mistake again. Alright, time for picks. Since I’m currently in Vegas, money goes on these. I’m due for a good week right? Using the lines from the MGM Grand sports book.
Carolina (-1.5) at Tampa – NFC South may be competitive but they sure are boring. Either way Tampa is not for real.
Washington (No line) over Rams – The MGM Grand has pulled this game from the board.
New York Jets (-8) over Cincinnati – Fitz is the Titz!
New Orleans (-7) over Oakland – Even the Saints cant fuck up another one right?
Miami (-3) at Houston – Holy shit the fins are favored on the road. I thought that would take at least 2-3 years after last season.
Chicago (-3) at Atlanta – Blinded by the Beard
Vikings (-13) over Detroit – Has Detroit lost by less than 13 yet?
Baltimore (-4) over Indianapolis – Nap town is reeling, Flacco needs a nickname. Time for him to earn one this week.
Denver (-3) over Jacksonville – I got nothing.
San Francisco (+5) over Philadelphia – Westbrook is out = Philly sucks
Arizona (+4.5) over Dallas – Look for Kurt 'El Savior' Warner to pass judgement on the sinners
Green Bay (-1) at Seattle – One point? Anybody watched Seattle play this year?
New England (+5) at San Diego – I bet this game looked important before the season started
New York Giants (-7.5) at Cleveland - Have I mentioned how much of a piece of shit Romeo Crennel is?
McNabb’s McWhining aside, I couldn’t pick last week because I was on travel to the Far East. Much farther than China, I’m talking California far. The Schaub was out this last week (bruised self esteem 1-2 weeks) so check out the Wise Sage Rosenfels at the end of his 56 minutes of career comeback goodness:
Awesome.
So the Redskins, man, wow. The offense is getting a lot of love, probably because we haven’t had one in a decade, and they deserve it. Hanging 200+ on the league’s top run defense? Impressive. Ending the game with a 7+ minute drive? Almost an old school Riggo drill if they didn’t attempt those two passes. Still as much as the offense has improved I think we need to look at the defense as the reason we’ve won these last four games. In five weeks we’ve faced the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 9th best offenses in the entire league and held all of them to their lowest yardage of the season. The defense may be ranked only 13th in the league but consider the caliber of offenses we’ve faced I think that’s damn good.
I still think this week is going to be a test for the Redskins on a number of levels. The Redskins have a recent history of some bad trends that point to possible problems in this game. Foremost, they’re constantly playing down to their opponents. It seems like every game is close regardless of if we’re playing a great team or a Detroit-esque team. We need to put St. Louis down with authority if we’re for real. We’re also a huge favorite and thus far the Redskins have thrived on being the underdogs. It’s time to find new motivation to perform and they need to find it fast. Despite St. Louis being a good candidate for 0-16 (much better than Miami was last year by the way, they lost so many close games) this is a real test of the Redskins’ character.
I see Drew is hating on Kyle ‘The Bottle’ Orton. Well, I was going to start another player but because you’re talking shit and I’ve got you this week in fantasy… prepare to face the wrath of Neckbeard. Last time I said I liked a player for fantasy and didn’t start him the asshole scored 5 TDs – not making that mistake again. Alright, time for picks. Since I’m currently in Vegas, money goes on these. I’m due for a good week right? Using the lines from the MGM Grand sports book.
Carolina (-1.5) at Tampa – NFC South may be competitive but they sure are boring. Either way Tampa is not for real.
Washington (No line) over Rams – The MGM Grand has pulled this game from the board.
New York Jets (-8) over Cincinnati – Fitz is the Titz!
New Orleans (-7) over Oakland – Even the Saints cant fuck up another one right?
Miami (-3) at Houston – Holy shit the fins are favored on the road. I thought that would take at least 2-3 years after last season.
Chicago (-3) at Atlanta – Blinded by the Beard
Vikings (-13) over Detroit – Has Detroit lost by less than 13 yet?
Baltimore (-4) over Indianapolis – Nap town is reeling, Flacco needs a nickname. Time for him to earn one this week.
Denver (-3) over Jacksonville – I got nothing.
San Francisco (+5) over Philadelphia – Westbrook is out = Philly sucks
Arizona (+4.5) over Dallas – Look for Kurt 'El Savior' Warner to pass judgement on the sinners
Green Bay (-1) at Seattle – One point? Anybody watched Seattle play this year?
New England (+5) at San Diego – I bet this game looked important before the season started
New York Giants (-7.5) at Cleveland - Have I mentioned how much of a piece of shit Romeo Crennel is?
Friday, October 10, 2008
Week 6 Guarantees
Thanks have to go out to Matt Schaub and the Texans for letting the Colts come back to score 21 points in 2:10 in the fourth quarter to come back and cover. How the fuck do you let that happen? And did you see the hit on Schaub that made him spin in the air? What an idiot. Thanks also go to the Bills for proving my theory that you really are not for real, especially your highly rated D, which let that fossil Kurt Warner hang 41 on them. They played nothing but garbage in their first 4 games, and everyone was sucking their dicks and saying how great their defense is. Everyone's defense looks stifling against the Rams, Raiders, Jags, and Seahawks.
How about the motherfucking Skins? Once again, this team is for real. I really have to think it is because of the improvement in the coaching staff. When Gibbs was here, the Redskins were playing scared. Nursing leads, not taking chances, always running on first down, etc. Now there seems to be a completely different attitude about this team. Jason Campbell is playing mistake free football. He still has not thrown a pick. Clinton Portis is having a bomb year. The O line might be the most surprising part of the team. They are playing really well, especially in the run. Going into this game, the Eagles were the number 1 rated D against the run, and the Skins ran for 203 on them. We also controlled the entire tempo of the game. Time of possession Redskins - 34:45, Eagles 25:15. First downs Redskins - 22, Eagles - 12. To me, that tells a lot.
I heard Donovan McNabb running his mouth after the game about how they shouldn't have lost to the Redskins. Here's a newsflash for you douchebag, you're team is the embarrassment of the NFC East. You're 2-3, and you got dominated by the Redskins. You did not deserve to win that game after giving up an early 14 point lead, and letting the Skins run the ball down your fucking throat all game. Now it looks like the Eagles are going to be the only team from the NFC East to not go to the playoffs. Go fuck yourself.
For the Skins, these first 5 games were by far the hardest stretch on the schedule. We have now played all the division road games, the rest are at home. And the out of division games are mostly cupcakes. The combine record of the next 3 teams we play is 1-11. The Redskins look very good to be 7-1 halfway through the season. I am fucking horny.
I have noticed that Yahoo has started to include odds from multiple sources, so I am just going to use the ones they list from Sportsbook.com. Even though I said I was going to always pick against the Rams, I am not going to pick that game this week in order to avoid cursing the Skins. I am football poison.
Time for more 10 dime can't miss cash out your 401k locks.
Cincinnati (+8) at NY Jets
Even though they lost, Nasty Natti actually looked respectable at Dallas last week. The Jets are coming off a bye and Brett Favre has the highest QB rating in the league, but they are not good enough to cover that number against a talented offense like the Bengals have. Nasty Natti might even pull their first win this week.
New Orleans (-7) vs. Oakland
The Raiders have been a mess for the past decade, but never moreso than now with a retarded Count Dracula as the owner. And the Saints are coming off a tough loss last week that fucked my winning streak right in its previously-untouched ass. If they just don't turn the ball over 4 times like last week, they should cover the 7.
Green Bay (-1 1/2) at Seattle
Do they not get Seahawks games in Las Vegas? They are fucking abysmal. The Giants put up 44 points and 523 total yards on them last week. And the Packers offense isn't anything to shit on either. I could go on forever about how retarded that line is. Lay the 1 1/2, and put your roll on the Pack.
Atlanta (+3) vs. Chicago
The Falcons just beat another NFC North team, Green Bay, on the road last week. For them to be getting points at home the next week is a little disrespectful. And Orton will not have the same week he had in week 5. By the way, I was in Chicago a couple of weekends ago visiting a friend who grew up there. Huge bears fan. He says around here they shorten neckbeard to n'eard. Anyway you say it, it's pure class.
Last week
3-1
For the year
15-4
How about the motherfucking Skins? Once again, this team is for real. I really have to think it is because of the improvement in the coaching staff. When Gibbs was here, the Redskins were playing scared. Nursing leads, not taking chances, always running on first down, etc. Now there seems to be a completely different attitude about this team. Jason Campbell is playing mistake free football. He still has not thrown a pick. Clinton Portis is having a bomb year. The O line might be the most surprising part of the team. They are playing really well, especially in the run. Going into this game, the Eagles were the number 1 rated D against the run, and the Skins ran for 203 on them. We also controlled the entire tempo of the game. Time of possession Redskins - 34:45, Eagles 25:15. First downs Redskins - 22, Eagles - 12. To me, that tells a lot.
I heard Donovan McNabb running his mouth after the game about how they shouldn't have lost to the Redskins. Here's a newsflash for you douchebag, you're team is the embarrassment of the NFC East. You're 2-3, and you got dominated by the Redskins. You did not deserve to win that game after giving up an early 14 point lead, and letting the Skins run the ball down your fucking throat all game. Now it looks like the Eagles are going to be the only team from the NFC East to not go to the playoffs. Go fuck yourself.
For the Skins, these first 5 games were by far the hardest stretch on the schedule. We have now played all the division road games, the rest are at home. And the out of division games are mostly cupcakes. The combine record of the next 3 teams we play is 1-11. The Redskins look very good to be 7-1 halfway through the season. I am fucking horny.
I have noticed that Yahoo has started to include odds from multiple sources, so I am just going to use the ones they list from Sportsbook.com. Even though I said I was going to always pick against the Rams, I am not going to pick that game this week in order to avoid cursing the Skins. I am football poison.
Time for more 10 dime can't miss cash out your 401k locks.
Cincinnati (+8) at NY Jets
Even though they lost, Nasty Natti actually looked respectable at Dallas last week. The Jets are coming off a bye and Brett Favre has the highest QB rating in the league, but they are not good enough to cover that number against a talented offense like the Bengals have. Nasty Natti might even pull their first win this week.
New Orleans (-7) vs. Oakland
The Raiders have been a mess for the past decade, but never moreso than now with a retarded Count Dracula as the owner. And the Saints are coming off a tough loss last week that fucked my winning streak right in its previously-untouched ass. If they just don't turn the ball over 4 times like last week, they should cover the 7.
Green Bay (-1 1/2) at Seattle
Do they not get Seahawks games in Las Vegas? They are fucking abysmal. The Giants put up 44 points and 523 total yards on them last week. And the Packers offense isn't anything to shit on either. I could go on forever about how retarded that line is. Lay the 1 1/2, and put your roll on the Pack.
Atlanta (+3) vs. Chicago
The Falcons just beat another NFC North team, Green Bay, on the road last week. For them to be getting points at home the next week is a little disrespectful. And Orton will not have the same week he had in week 5. By the way, I was in Chicago a couple of weekends ago visiting a friend who grew up there. Huge bears fan. He says around here they shorten neckbeard to n'eard. Anyway you say it, it's pure class.
Last week
3-1
For the year
15-4
Friday, October 3, 2008
Just more locks
I am on fucking fire bitches. 8-0 in the last two weeks. Let's be fair though, betting against the Rams is an automatic winner every time. Vegas needs to come to their senses and take Rams games off their boards. But until they do, I will welcome those locks.
And how about those motherfucking Skins? The Skins dominated that game. It was not as close as the score would lead one to believe. In my opinion, the best evidence of that is the time of possession; Redskins - 38:09, Cowboys - 21:51. And it looked like the game went exactly how they planned too. Not like during the Gibbs II era when even scoring drives looked strained. The West Coast offense looks like it is clicking. And I was very impressed by Jason Campbell's movement in the pocket. I know him and Zorn worked on that over the offseason, and you could see him buying time in the pocket several times during that game. I have always liked Campbell as the future of this team, and it feels like he is coming around for this new coach and in this new offense.
This week they have the Eagles. The line favors the Eagles by 6, which I think is a slap in the fucking face. If I wasn't worried about cursing my boys, I would put my roll on the Skins. I think this game will depend a lot on Brian Westbrook. He practiced fully today, but he was probably pushed to play this week because this has turned into a huge game. I have another feeling that the Skins will not even need the 6 and will win this game outright. And if they do, DC will lose its fucking mind. Don't be surprised if you start to see some fresh gear on the streets if the Skins get to 4-1. Especially because their schedule is chock full of winners after this stretch (their next three games are at home against St. Louis, Cleveland, and at Detroit. Count those.).
Enough talk. Time for me to come down from heaven and grace you fudgepackers with my winners.
Arizona (-1) vs. Buffalo
The Cardinals offense is just too good to keep losing forever. And excuse me, but the Bills are not for real. They will get their first loss traveling across the country.
New Orleans (-3) vs. Minnesota
The Saints looked good last week. And Gus Frerotte is not the answer. The Vikings will keep losing until they realize that.
Pittsburgh (+4) at Jacksonville
I love this number. I am not sure who will win this game, but it should be low scoring (i.e. within a field goal, no matter who kicks it to win). This is also a rematch of a great playoff game last year. I actually remember Mike and I watched that shit at Carpool, and made fun of all the idiots in Steelers jerseys. Fuck Steelers fans who aren't from Pittsburgh.
Indianapolis (-3) at Houston
Naptown is coming off a bye, and they should come to their senses and at least play like a decent team this week. Also, the Texans D is dreadful. The 29th, 22nd, and 23rd ranked offenses all hung 30 or more on them this year.
One more thing, can anyone tell me why the Green Bay - Atlanta game is off the board?
Last week
4-0
For the year
12-3
And how about those motherfucking Skins? The Skins dominated that game. It was not as close as the score would lead one to believe. In my opinion, the best evidence of that is the time of possession; Redskins - 38:09, Cowboys - 21:51. And it looked like the game went exactly how they planned too. Not like during the Gibbs II era when even scoring drives looked strained. The West Coast offense looks like it is clicking. And I was very impressed by Jason Campbell's movement in the pocket. I know him and Zorn worked on that over the offseason, and you could see him buying time in the pocket several times during that game. I have always liked Campbell as the future of this team, and it feels like he is coming around for this new coach and in this new offense.
This week they have the Eagles. The line favors the Eagles by 6, which I think is a slap in the fucking face. If I wasn't worried about cursing my boys, I would put my roll on the Skins. I think this game will depend a lot on Brian Westbrook. He practiced fully today, but he was probably pushed to play this week because this has turned into a huge game. I have another feeling that the Skins will not even need the 6 and will win this game outright. And if they do, DC will lose its fucking mind. Don't be surprised if you start to see some fresh gear on the streets if the Skins get to 4-1. Especially because their schedule is chock full of winners after this stretch (their next three games are at home against St. Louis, Cleveland, and at Detroit. Count those.).
Enough talk. Time for me to come down from heaven and grace you fudgepackers with my winners.
Arizona (-1) vs. Buffalo
The Cardinals offense is just too good to keep losing forever. And excuse me, but the Bills are not for real. They will get their first loss traveling across the country.
New Orleans (-3) vs. Minnesota
The Saints looked good last week. And Gus Frerotte is not the answer. The Vikings will keep losing until they realize that.
Pittsburgh (+4) at Jacksonville
I love this number. I am not sure who will win this game, but it should be low scoring (i.e. within a field goal, no matter who kicks it to win). This is also a rematch of a great playoff game last year. I actually remember Mike and I watched that shit at Carpool, and made fun of all the idiots in Steelers jerseys. Fuck Steelers fans who aren't from Pittsburgh.
Indianapolis (-3) at Houston
Naptown is coming off a bye, and they should come to their senses and at least play like a decent team this week. Also, the Texans D is dreadful. The 29th, 22nd, and 23rd ranked offenses all hung 30 or more on them this year.
One more thing, can anyone tell me why the Green Bay - Atlanta game is off the board?
Last week
4-0
For the year
12-3
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Your Football Team Sucks: The Arizona Cardinals
Ladies and Gentlemen (Mike is the lady), we'll be running a 32 part series entitled Your Football Team Sucks. In it, we'll explain why your team sucks and you should expect failure this year, either on the field, in the courtroom, or in my bitter mind as I hate them on their march to the Super Bowl. This week: the Arizona Cardinals.
I didn't have too many bright spots this year going into the NFL season, but one thing that I was happy to see was that there was almost zero Arizona Cardinal nut-hugging this preseason. You could see that those moronic wideloads on ESPN, especially Chris Berman, wanted to once again call them their sleeper pick of the season, but even they realized it would have been stupid after Kurt Warner's zombie corpse beat out Matt Leinart (now throwing with his left hand because his right hand is currently supporting a young woman's beer bong). Remember Leinart's first game against the Bears? Fast forward to the present, and at this point he's progressed less than Kyle Orton.
And why couldn't Leinart beat out Warner? Talent? Fuck no. Brains? I'm pretty sure Kurt Warner doesn't believe in dinosaurs or anything else not mentioned in the bible. The answer, of course, is much simpler than that. Look at the pussy these two come home to:
Seriously, if you're Matt Leinart, do you have any ambition at all to be the starter? You're young, rich, and for some reason, women want to blow you, even though you always look either a. drunk b. homeless or c. both. Meanwhile, Warner has to come home to someone who looks like she stores broken glass shards in her chach. How much pent-up frustration do you think he has to get out of his system? Not to mention no one's ever seen Kurt Warner try to avoid a sack. It's obvious he's hoping to get his brains turned into gelatin and forget his identity, like that movie with Harrison Ford. You know the one, it was on HBO all the time 6 years ago…he was a dick, then he became a nice guy, then he married a man, and he decided to get hit by a train to forget who he was.
Yep, couple that with a talented wide receiver that's managed by Drew Rosenhaus, an offensive line that looks like it's trying to run a dicksucking marathon with each other every time the ball is snapped, and a pair of running backs that vary between old and decrepit and young and decrepit, and you're looking at another 6-10 year. Which is just enough to put them in contention in the NFC West.
I didn't have too many bright spots this year going into the NFL season, but one thing that I was happy to see was that there was almost zero Arizona Cardinal nut-hugging this preseason. You could see that those moronic wideloads on ESPN, especially Chris Berman, wanted to once again call them their sleeper pick of the season, but even they realized it would have been stupid after Kurt Warner's zombie corpse beat out Matt Leinart (now throwing with his left hand because his right hand is currently supporting a young woman's beer bong). Remember Leinart's first game against the Bears? Fast forward to the present, and at this point he's progressed less than Kyle Orton.
And why couldn't Leinart beat out Warner? Talent? Fuck no. Brains? I'm pretty sure Kurt Warner doesn't believe in dinosaurs or anything else not mentioned in the bible. The answer, of course, is much simpler than that. Look at the pussy these two come home to:
Seriously, if you're Matt Leinart, do you have any ambition at all to be the starter? You're young, rich, and for some reason, women want to blow you, even though you always look either a. drunk b. homeless or c. both. Meanwhile, Warner has to come home to someone who looks like she stores broken glass shards in her chach. How much pent-up frustration do you think he has to get out of his system? Not to mention no one's ever seen Kurt Warner try to avoid a sack. It's obvious he's hoping to get his brains turned into gelatin and forget his identity, like that movie with Harrison Ford. You know the one, it was on HBO all the time 6 years ago…he was a dick, then he became a nice guy, then he married a man, and he decided to get hit by a train to forget who he was.
Yep, couple that with a talented wide receiver that's managed by Drew Rosenhaus, an offensive line that looks like it's trying to run a dicksucking marathon with each other every time the ball is snapped, and a pair of running backs that vary between old and decrepit and young and decrepit, and you're looking at another 6-10 year. Which is just enough to put them in contention in the NFC West.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
How ‘bout them Cowboys?
I heard that line dozens of times last week. There are few better moments in sports than when your double digit underdog team handles what every football talking head considers the best team in sports, on the road, and who also just happens to be your nemesis in the greatest football rivalry of all time. Is it possible to get a greater win in the regular season? Hail to the Redskins!
What is making this even better is the impending meltdown of TO. You didn’t get enough targets? Seventeen passes and two rushes isn’t enough for you big guy? Maybe if you had caught even half of the balls thrown at you then you could’ve won that game.
The one turnover in that game was a thing of beauty. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time but having seen the replay I have to give a lot of credit to our new defensive coordinator because that play was designed to get a turnover. Watching Dallas their receivers often adjust their route when given a big cushion by the CB. With a 10+ yard cushion they run out to about 3 yards shy of the CB and stop. Carlos Rogers gave a 15 yard cushion and the second the ball snapped Chris Horton ran in a straight line to the 10 yard mark. Receiver stops and turns, Chris Horton catches the ball in front of him. Fucking beautiful.
Man I suck. 5-8 this week for an overall of 17-22.
I’m going to have to start calling Drew Nostradamus and shit. 8-0 the last two weeks? His record looks like a pickem more than somebody picking the spread. His fantasy curse remains prominent however. Shockey and Westbrook have both felt the sting, but what about Roethlisberger? He’s still playing and frankly this may be the longest his first QB pick has ever made it in a season. Personally I think his curse is developing a sense of malice. Instead of ending it quickly it has taken away the running game (Willie Parker and Mendenhall) and his offensive line (just lost another one to IR yesterday). Big Ben is going to catch John Kitna is sacks taken this year and it’s going to be grueling to watch. That game last night was awful. Two pitifully bad offenses combined with egregious penalties the entire game. What did I tell you about the Ravens? I believe Jon called that final field goal in OT a mercy flush and I couldn’t say it better.
Worst Headline of the Week: John Clayton on ESPN.com for "The Deuce is Finally Loose." We don't need to hear about your struggles with incontinence John.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Why does the NFL hate the fans?
More bitching I forgot to include in my last post!
The NFL controls which networks can show which games in which markets through a collective bargaining agreement with the television networks. This would be illegal if not for a congressional exemption that also requires no congressional oversight of the NFL’s activities. Fine, I can live with that, except that it is clearly punishing the fans. Not allowing networks to play or switch to good games is killing my interest in watching non-Redskins football games. For both Week 2 and Week 3 in this area we got only one game at 1pm and one game at 4pm, despite CBS and FOX playing Bull Riding and Beach Volleyball during the time slot respectively. When the
Don’t even get me started on the NFL network and Sunday ticket debacles. I hate cable carriers as much as the next guy but the only reason cable doesn’t get both of those things is the enormous greed demonstrated by the NFL.
Edit: Gus Frerotte, really? Isn't that the guy who gave himself a concussion headbutting a wall after he ran in a touchdown? I'm shocked he's still in the league ... and alive.
Week 4 winners
Greetings bitches. I have to say, Chinese dumplings are the cure for hangovers. I went out last night Rick James style. "It's a celebration! Drink up! Be merry! And welcome to the China club, a-ching-a-chang-a-ching-chang!" I was still fucked up when I got home from class this morning, and those dumplings unfucked me in record time. I highly recommend it.
So Skins at Dallas. Conventional wisdom says that the Cowboys will win this game, but I am getting a vibe that the Skins can pull this one off. Step number one is to not let TO catch 4 TDs one you like he did last year. Shawn Springs, stop crying like a little bitch and get out there and play. I don't want to jinx them, but if I had to throw cash on that game, I'd probably take the Skins and the points.
Another thing, is Gus Ferotte really going to start for the Vikings? That is a fucking joke. They need to draft a QB. Or trade for Derek Anderson when the Browns bench him for Brady Quinn. For fuck sake, do something. The NFC North is wide the fuck open. Does Brad Childress just not want to take that division? There are a lot of decisions made in the NFL that I just don't understand. One decision that I do understand is the firing of Matt Millen. What a joke of a GM he is. I don't even care about the Lions, and I even feel good about that move.
Finally, please for the love of God, can the Eagles be a little more specific about Brian Westbrook? I heard he was in uniform today, but did not practice. Different news sources are saying different things. And because of my bye situation, I have to go with an Eagles RB. Fuck these game-time decisions.
Anyway, let me bless you degenerates with my locks.
Buffalo (-8) at St. Louis
Again, until it stings me.
San Diego (-7 1/2) at Oakland
The Chargers have finally woken up. They played well on every side of the ball last week, and they should keep it going this week in this division game. Plus, Lane Kiffin has to be distracted by all the bullshit going on in Oakland. He'll be fired any minute now, and Al Davis is a fucking retard.
Baltimore (+5 1/2) at Pittsburgh
The Steelers O-line is abysmal. Truthlesberger was sacks 8 times last week, and B-more's D looks strong again. They should be able to get to him all game. I like this game as low scoring and close to the end. Steelers will probably win, but only by a field goal or so.
NY Jets (-1) vs. Arizona
The Cardinals stayed in Tyson's Corner all week after the Skins game to stay on the East Coast. I think that move will backfire and disrupt the team. I don't think the Jets will lose their third in a row at home either.
Last week
4-0
For the year
8-3
So Skins at Dallas. Conventional wisdom says that the Cowboys will win this game, but I am getting a vibe that the Skins can pull this one off. Step number one is to not let TO catch 4 TDs one you like he did last year. Shawn Springs, stop crying like a little bitch and get out there and play. I don't want to jinx them, but if I had to throw cash on that game, I'd probably take the Skins and the points.
Another thing, is Gus Ferotte really going to start for the Vikings? That is a fucking joke. They need to draft a QB. Or trade for Derek Anderson when the Browns bench him for Brady Quinn. For fuck sake, do something. The NFC North is wide the fuck open. Does Brad Childress just not want to take that division? There are a lot of decisions made in the NFL that I just don't understand. One decision that I do understand is the firing of Matt Millen. What a joke of a GM he is. I don't even care about the Lions, and I even feel good about that move.
Finally, please for the love of God, can the Eagles be a little more specific about Brian Westbrook? I heard he was in uniform today, but did not practice. Different news sources are saying different things. And because of my bye situation, I have to go with an Eagles RB. Fuck these game-time decisions.
Anyway, let me bless you degenerates with my locks.
Buffalo (-8) at St. Louis
Again, until it stings me.
San Diego (-7 1/2) at Oakland
The Chargers have finally woken up. They played well on every side of the ball last week, and they should keep it going this week in this division game. Plus, Lane Kiffin has to be distracted by all the bullshit going on in Oakland. He'll be fired any minute now, and Al Davis is a fucking retard.
Baltimore (+5 1/2) at Pittsburgh
The Steelers O-line is abysmal. Truthlesberger was sacks 8 times last week, and B-more's D looks strong again. They should be able to get to him all game. I like this game as low scoring and close to the end. Steelers will probably win, but only by a field goal or so.
NY Jets (-1) vs. Arizona
The Cardinals stayed in Tyson's Corner all week after the Skins game to stay on the East Coast. I think that move will backfire and disrupt the team. I don't think the Jets will lose their third in a row at home either.
Last week
4-0
For the year
8-3
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Shitty calls of the week
I'm liking the Romeo Crennel Pussy Call of the Week. There need to be more of these, such as:
- The Scott Linehan Legal Murder of the Week (starting Trent Green)
- The Tony Sparano Garbage Truck Scam of the Week (Ronnie Brown having the game of his life)
- The Bill Belichick Fuck You We're Airing it Out Even Though We're Already Winning and We Could Kneel This Ball in the Third Quarter Play of the Week (Whoever Plays the Lions)
- The Brad Childress How Did You Not Make This Decision Four Weeks Ago Move of the Week (I'm going to say Romeo Crennel benching Derek Anderson YOU WORTHLESS FUCK)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
There's no confusing it.
You hate Ed Hochuli. And good point about Ken Wisenhunt. What a stupid call. What would possess him to do that? Oh well, his stupidity is our gain.
Also, in case you hadn't herad this before, I heard that Vegas doesn't even issue some lines this early in the week because of issues that are still outstanding, which may be resolved later in the week; namely injuries. I figure that is the reason why the Eagles-Bears game still does not have a number. Because they are waiting for the injury report to come out on Thursday to figure out if Brian Westbrook is going to play or not, and I pray to God he is. I even heard that some games with a line that would be cartoonish, Vegas will not even take bets on them. But that really only happens in college.
By the way, can I get some props for sitting Jon's tubesteak-provider, Roethlisberger in favor of Philip Rivers? That call won my game this week in fantasy. And my picks went 4-0 this week. Winner! I have to enjoy it now because that sure as fuck won't happen again. Now I am going to probably get ignorant and come up with 5-game parlays or crazy teasers that will never hit.
Finally, you are all welcome for me causing Shockey's 6 - 8 week injury. I hate fantasy.
Also, in case you hadn't herad this before, I heard that Vegas doesn't even issue some lines this early in the week because of issues that are still outstanding, which may be resolved later in the week; namely injuries. I figure that is the reason why the Eagles-Bears game still does not have a number. Because they are waiting for the injury report to come out on Thursday to figure out if Brian Westbrook is going to play or not, and I pray to God he is. I even heard that some games with a line that would be cartoonish, Vegas will not even take bets on them. But that really only happens in college.
By the way, can I get some props for sitting Jon's tubesteak-provider, Roethlisberger in favor of Philip Rivers? That call won my game this week in fantasy. And my picks went 4-0 this week. Winner! I have to enjoy it now because that sure as fuck won't happen again. Now I am going to probably get ignorant and come up with 5-game parlays or crazy teasers that will never hit.
Finally, you are all welcome for me causing Shockey's 6 - 8 week injury. I hate fantasy.
Week 3 Roundup
I fall one more game back this week in my picks. Good thing I’m not in Vegas… yet.
This week: 8-9 This season: 12-14
It seems every week I get more and more outraged at the poor officiating in the NFL. Jon and Drew can attest to how much I’ve always despised Ed “Guns” Hochuli, so I was originally happy that everyone else could no longer deny that he’s fucking terrible. Except that’s not what happened… everyone and their mother this last week has said how tragic it is because he is one of the best the NFL has to offer. First of all, everyone knows the robot who pretends to be a black guy is the best ref in the NFL. Secondly, Ed Hochuli sucks and has always sucked. See? Indisputable.
That's not holding; he's simulating what it's like to be on the receiving end of his blown calls.
Speaking of that terribly blown call in Denver, everyone is now praising Mike Shanahan for his gutsy call. What a coach! Let’s consider a couple things. It is statistically more probable to convert 2 than to win in overtime (55% to 50%... I didn’t even need to look up that second number, ask me how I did it!). So he made the mathematically correct decision. That isn’t gutsy but it certainly shows more brains than most “punt on 4th and 1” coaches. But just like it wasn’t a gutsy call he also wasn’t playing those odds. He knew there was no chance he could win in overtime. The Ed Hochuli makeup call was coming and he had to end the game before it struck. If he didn’t go for two he would’ve lost that game in OT after a mysterious pass interference call put the Bolts in field goal range. So my praise still goes to Shanahan but not because he’s got the balls of steel everyone thinks he does; he gets my praise because he had a better realization for the position he was in than anyone gives him credit for.
Romeo Crennel Pussy Call of the Week Award: Ken Wisenhunt punts on 4th and 4 from near midfield with two minutes left in the game. Redskins nation thanks you for giving up, pansy.
Time for picks…
Buffalo (-8) over St. Louis
Atlanta (+7) at Carolina
Philly (-3) at Chicago
Cincinnati (-3.5) over Cleveland
Washington (+11.5) at Dallas
Denver (-9) at Kansas City
Jacksonville (-7.5) over Houston
San Francisco (+6.5) at New Orleans
Arizona (+2.5) at NY Jets
San Diego (-7.5) at Oakland
Green Bay (-1) at Tampa Bay
Tennessee (-3) over Minnesota
Baltimore (+5.5) at Pittsburg
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Curse
...continues. Just axe Shockey and Brian Westbrook. Although, I am a game away from picking a a full load of winners this week. Plus, I need Philip Rivers to drop bombs on the Jets tonight to have a chance in fantasy this week. Needless to say, I am riding the Chargers jock pretty hard tonight.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Foosball
I figure I'll just do them all this week.
Kansas City (+6) at Atlanta
Two teams that looks pretty bad right now so I'll go with the home team.
Oakland (+9.5) at Buffalo
9.5 is just too big not to like.
Houston (+5) at Tennessee
This one will be close to the line. The Titans defense will shut down the Schaub but can they score any points?
Cincinnati (+13.5) at NYG
Nasty Natty could be as bad as the Rams.
Arizona (+3) at Washington
Arizona may be 2-0 but they've played the 49ers and the Dolphins.
Miami (+12.5) at New England
Matt Cassell is the truth!
Tampa Bay (+3) at Chicago
Kyle Orton is also somewhat truth-like? Why else would Drew start him as a fantasy QB when he was a rookie?
Carolina (+3.5) at Minnesota
Why is Minnesota favored?
St. Louis (+13.5) at Seattle
The Rams are awful but so is Seattle. I've got to take 13.5.
Detroit (+4) at San Francisco
Sorry Jon, I've got to take the underdog because I think this game is a toss up.
New Orleans (+5.5) at Denver
Side bet: taking the over (51).
Pittsburg (+3.5) at Philadelphia
This game has the potential to be really good.
Jacksonville (+5) at Indianapolis
The Colts are getting healthy, the Jags are not.
Cleveland (+2) at Baltimore
The Browns blow. Look for Romeo Crennel to kick a field goal at the end of the game while down 4 points to fuck me.
Dallas (-3) at Green Bay
This pains me greatly. I want to be wrong.
NYJ (+9) at San Diego
J-E-T-S S-U-C-K
Kansas City (+6) at Atlanta
Two teams that looks pretty bad right now so I'll go with the home team.
Oakland (+9.5) at Buffalo
9.5 is just too big not to like.
Houston (+5) at Tennessee
This one will be close to the line. The Titans defense will shut down the Schaub but can they score any points?
Cincinnati (+13.5) at NYG
Nasty Natty could be as bad as the Rams.
Arizona (+3) at Washington
Arizona may be 2-0 but they've played the 49ers and the Dolphins.
Miami (+12.5) at New England
Matt Cassell is the truth!
Tampa Bay (+3) at Chicago
Kyle Orton is also somewhat truth-like? Why else would Drew start him as a fantasy QB when he was a rookie?
Carolina (+3.5) at Minnesota
Why is Minnesota favored?
St. Louis (+13.5) at Seattle
The Rams are awful but so is Seattle. I've got to take 13.5.
Detroit (+4) at San Francisco
Sorry Jon, I've got to take the underdog because I think this game is a toss up.
New Orleans (+5.5) at Denver
Side bet: taking the over (51).
Pittsburg (+3.5) at Philadelphia
This game has the potential to be really good.
Jacksonville (+5) at Indianapolis
The Colts are getting healthy, the Jags are not.
Cleveland (+2) at Baltimore
The Browns blow. Look for Romeo Crennel to kick a field goal at the end of the game while down 4 points to fuck me.
Dallas (-3) at Green Bay
This pains me greatly. I want to be wrong.
NYJ (+9) at San Diego
J-E-T-S S-U-C-K
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Week 3 winners
I am getting in a little early this week because from 12 noon tomorrow on I am going to be blotto like a motherfucker pretty much this whole weekend. Actually, come to think of it, I might actually pick winners better drunk. Especially because I never look at the fucking weather report before I pick. Motherfucking Steelers. Although, I am a little proud of myself about the Eagles-Cowboys pick. Jealous? You know you're jealous. Also, my fantasy team is surprisingly still career-ending injury-free. Take that 7 years of bad karma.
Couple of quick shots. I still think TO is mentally unstable. I mean he invoked Jeff Garcia. That was like 6 years ago. Hopefully that offensive burst by the Skins wasn't a fluke. It still felt so strained in the first half though. You MUST take advantage of turnovers and gifts, in general, in the NFL. A win is a win, but it shouldn't have been that close. The NFC East is the toughest division in football, hands down. Vince Young is a nutjob. There are too many indicators that point to that to think otherwise. The Seahawks were a shell of their former selves going into this season anyway, but they are really fucked now with their first 6 receivers injured. And NFC West is a filthy cesspool, in general. I can't believe one of those teams is actually going to go to the playoffs. Anyway, enough ranting, I know you are all waiting for me to bless you with my winners.
Seattle (-9 1/2) vs. St. Louis
Now I am actually serious about this. I am betting against the Rams every week now until it stings me. Even with wideouts coming in off the street, Seattle should still be able to beat the Rams by double digits. Take Seattle laying the wood at home.
San Diego (-9) vs. NY Jets
Jets traveling across the country. Monday night. And the Jets lost by 9 to a Matt Cassel-led Patriots team last week at home. Wait until they have to travel to San Diego and have Philip Rivers dismantle them. Plus the Chargers are probably still pissed about that botched call last week by Mike's mancrush, Ed Hochuli, that allowed the Broncos to go on to win. Either way, they need a win right fucking now.
Baltimore (-2 1/2) vs. Cleveland
The Ravens are coming off a bye, and playing at home. And Mike is right, Romeo Crennel is inept as fuck. The Browns are a fucking fraud and will loose by a field goal to the purple and black.
Oakland (+9 1/2) at Buffalo
That sure is a big number for a team like the Bills to be laying. I know it is Oakland, and they are traveling cross-country. But feeding Darren McFadden should be enough to keep this game within 10.
Last week
3-2
For the year
4-3
Couple of quick shots. I still think TO is mentally unstable. I mean he invoked Jeff Garcia. That was like 6 years ago. Hopefully that offensive burst by the Skins wasn't a fluke. It still felt so strained in the first half though. You MUST take advantage of turnovers and gifts, in general, in the NFL. A win is a win, but it shouldn't have been that close. The NFC East is the toughest division in football, hands down. Vince Young is a nutjob. There are too many indicators that point to that to think otherwise. The Seahawks were a shell of their former selves going into this season anyway, but they are really fucked now with their first 6 receivers injured. And NFC West is a filthy cesspool, in general. I can't believe one of those teams is actually going to go to the playoffs. Anyway, enough ranting, I know you are all waiting for me to bless you with my winners.
Seattle (-9 1/2) vs. St. Louis
Now I am actually serious about this. I am betting against the Rams every week now until it stings me. Even with wideouts coming in off the street, Seattle should still be able to beat the Rams by double digits. Take Seattle laying the wood at home.
San Diego (-9) vs. NY Jets
Jets traveling across the country. Monday night. And the Jets lost by 9 to a Matt Cassel-led Patriots team last week at home. Wait until they have to travel to San Diego and have Philip Rivers dismantle them. Plus the Chargers are probably still pissed about that botched call last week by Mike's mancrush, Ed Hochuli, that allowed the Broncos to go on to win. Either way, they need a win right fucking now.
Baltimore (-2 1/2) vs. Cleveland
The Ravens are coming off a bye, and playing at home. And Mike is right, Romeo Crennel is inept as fuck. The Browns are a fucking fraud and will loose by a field goal to the purple and black.
Oakland (+9 1/2) at Buffalo
That sure is a big number for a team like the Bills to be laying. I know it is Oakland, and they are traveling cross-country. But feeding Darren McFadden should be enough to keep this game within 10.
Last week
3-2
For the year
4-3
Monday, September 15, 2008
Here I Am; Rock You Like a Hurricane
Living and dying with the Redskins becomes difficult in a game where the lead changes five times and the game isn’t clinched until the final minutes. Missed field goals and blown redzone opportunities allowed the Saints to lead a good portion of the game and it turned into one of the more exciting games I’ve seen so far this year. I see all the commentary about how the game turned in the 4th quarter led by Jason Campbell suddenly “maturing” but I think there is actually a single play that we can attribute to the Redskins triumphant come from behind win. With roughly eleven minutes left in the game the Redskins had the ball in their own redzone; Campbell takes the snap and is sacked back at his own five… and it was all over for the Saints. The announcers called it a “coverage sack” because he seemed to have time but nowhere to throw the ball. Coverage is an understatement. What the refs missed was cornerback Aaron Glenn tackling Santana Moss and, while it went uncalled, it ended up a huge benefit to Washington because Glenn actually injured himself doing it. Now the Saints secondary was already hurt by injury, so this was particularly bad for them as it lead to rookie cornerback Tracy Porter coming into the game. Welcome to the NFL Porter and enjoy it now because you won’t be here long. The Redskins proceeded to connect on their next eight consecutive passes, all targeting Porter's side, for 150+ yards in the air, two touchdowns, and the game clinching first down. This young corner looked befuddled and at one point I felt pretty bad for him. Now the Saints are already blaming injuries and why not they were missing three defensive starters (Skins were missing two, though nothing I've read has mentioned it). I honestly don't care how bad the Saints are – getting the first win with a new coach and a new system is critically important for the team psychologically. It shows themselves and everyone else that this system can work and that this coach can win. Despite problems, a lot of problems, I think this win can lead us to become a much better team. Also, it's a celebration bitches!
I also had the misfortune of watching the late game last night. Man that could not have been more boring. When I said I couldn't think of a reason the Steelers wouldn't blast them I have to admit I didn't think about high winds and heavy rain making the passing game useless. Still, if Romeo Crennel wasn't a big fat fucking pussy the Steelers would've covered. When you're losing by 7 and you kick a field goal with 3 minutes left in the game you should be thrown out of the god damn NFL. You weren't playing to win, you were playing to lose by less. Until you play to win you'll always be a loser you ugly motherfucker. I'm going to do something here called a cheerleader sandwich to make it more bearable.
One thought for the Monday night game. The upside is that somebody has to lose. The down side is that somebody has to win. Also for the love of God why is TO still on ESPN talking about McNabb? Nobody cares... and he mentioned Jeff Garcia as I typed that. Why do you love this douche so much Jon?
I also had the misfortune of watching the late game last night. Man that could not have been more boring. When I said I couldn't think of a reason the Steelers wouldn't blast them I have to admit I didn't think about high winds and heavy rain making the passing game useless. Still, if Romeo Crennel wasn't a big fat fucking pussy the Steelers would've covered. When you're losing by 7 and you kick a field goal with 3 minutes left in the game you should be thrown out of the god damn NFL. You weren't playing to win, you were playing to lose by less. Until you play to win you'll always be a loser you ugly motherfucker. I'm going to do something here called a cheerleader sandwich to make it more bearable.
One thought for the Monday night game. The upside is that somebody has to lose. The down side is that somebody has to win. Also for the love of God why is TO still on ESPN talking about McNabb? Nobody cares... and he mentioned Jeff Garcia as I typed that. Why do you love this douche so much Jon?This week 2-3
Overall 4-5
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Week 2 winners
That was a pretty funny post to Jesus. I do not even have much specific beef with Brady, but even I was happy when he went down. It just feels like the universe is a little more balanced now. Mike, Jon, and I were all happy at the same time for the same reason? Better take a picture because that sure as hell won't happen again.
Anyway, here are the winners for week 2.
Green Bay (-3) at Detroit
The Packers have to feel good about a win that they earned the hard way last week against their rivals from the NFC North, the Vikings. Meanwhile, Detroit's defense let a rookie QB making his first NFL start hang 34 on them. Their offense can score quick, but look for the Packers to easily cover that number.
NY Giants (-8 1/2) at St. Louis
I was actually paying attention to the Rams-Eagles game last week. The Rams are the worst team in the NFL. Their secondary, in particular, is a joke. I am inclined to bet against them, no matter what the number or who they are playing, until it stings me.
Pittsburgh (-6) at Cleveland
Cleveland is a the second biggest fraud in the league, next to the Giants, of course. Meanwhile, Pittsburgh looked way strong last week. I know it was against the Texans, but Cleveland isn't really that much better. Bottom line, the Steelers should be able to win this by a touchdown.
Philadelphia (+7) at Dallas
I like this number. It will be tough for the Eagles to win this game on the road and playing a division team that is the best in the conference. But I think they can keep it within 3 or 4.
By the way, Chad Johnson is listed on the Bengals roster as Chad Ocho Cinco. I love the NFL.
Last week
1-1
For the year
1-1
Anyway, here are the winners for week 2.
Green Bay (-3) at Detroit
The Packers have to feel good about a win that they earned the hard way last week against their rivals from the NFC North, the Vikings. Meanwhile, Detroit's defense let a rookie QB making his first NFL start hang 34 on them. Their offense can score quick, but look for the Packers to easily cover that number.
NY Giants (-8 1/2) at St. Louis
I was actually paying attention to the Rams-Eagles game last week. The Rams are the worst team in the NFL. Their secondary, in particular, is a joke. I am inclined to bet against them, no matter what the number or who they are playing, until it stings me.
Pittsburgh (-6) at Cleveland
Cleveland is a the second biggest fraud in the league, next to the Giants, of course. Meanwhile, Pittsburgh looked way strong last week. I know it was against the Texans, but Cleveland isn't really that much better. Bottom line, the Steelers should be able to win this by a touchdown.
Philadelphia (+7) at Dallas
I like this number. It will be tough for the Eagles to win this game on the road and playing a division team that is the best in the conference. But I think they can keep it within 3 or 4.
By the way, Chad Johnson is listed on the Bengals roster as Chad Ocho Cinco. I love the NFL.
Last week
1-1
For the year
1-1
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Praise be to Jesus
Dear Jesus,
I know it's been awhile since we last talked, but I figured I should drop on by and give you big e-props for ruining Tom Brady's season. You really have no idea just how much of a difference this makes. Last week I was trying to figure out how to catch football highlights without watching Mike Ditka and Emmitt Smith bear wrestle each other to swallow Tom's cock first. Now who are they going to deepthroat? Tony Romo? Emmitt Smith can't even say that name without getting censored. Here are some of the awesome things that this has done:
Side note: all the Boston fans need to shut the fuck up about the play being dirty. Holy crap, the player didn't quit on the play, even though Sammie Morris did! How dare he fight through a block to reach the quarterback! Two hand touch rules only when it comes to Brady! Seriously, go get assfisted by some Southie skinhead.
You know what I really love, Jesus? All the fantasy football players that have gotten absolutely fucked by this. Let's face it, watching people's fantasy teams fail is always hilarious (please see Drew's teams from 2003-2045, assuming he isn't choked to death before then), but it's even funnier when their season is ruined in the first half of the first game of the season.
I'm sure there are some skeptics that don't believe you're responsible for this. Perhaps you could give them a sign by sacrificing another player, maybe someone like Shawne Merri--wait, what? PRAISE BE TO JESUS!
I know it's been awhile since we last talked, but I figured I should drop on by and give you big e-props for ruining Tom Brady's season. You really have no idea just how much of a difference this makes. Last week I was trying to figure out how to catch football highlights without watching Mike Ditka and Emmitt Smith bear wrestle each other to swallow Tom's cock first. Now who are they going to deepthroat? Tony Romo? Emmitt Smith can't even say that name without getting censored. Here are some of the awesome things that this has done:
- Removed him from my fucking sight on Sundays
- Dropped the Patriots from Super Bowl favorite to a slightly above average team with a wide receiver waiting to quit on his QB
- made it impossible for Tom Brady to have sex with his girlfriend standing up (HA, choke on that one!)
- led to the crushed dreams of thousands of self-righteous Boston sports fans
Side note: all the Boston fans need to shut the fuck up about the play being dirty. Holy crap, the player didn't quit on the play, even though Sammie Morris did! How dare he fight through a block to reach the quarterback! Two hand touch rules only when it comes to Brady! Seriously, go get assfisted by some Southie skinhead.
You know what I really love, Jesus? All the fantasy football players that have gotten absolutely fucked by this. Let's face it, watching people's fantasy teams fail is always hilarious (please see Drew's teams from 2003-2045, assuming he isn't choked to death before then), but it's even funnier when their season is ruined in the first half of the first game of the season.
I'm sure there are some skeptics that don't believe you're responsible for this. Perhaps you could give them a sign by sacrificing another player, maybe someone like Shawne Merri--wait, what? PRAISE BE TO JESUS!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Jett Favre
I'll also take the Patriots (+1.5) at NYJ. Patriots the underdogs?
The Jets were one completion away from losing to the Dolphins! Matt Cassel with a week of practice on the first team wins this game. I want to pick the 49ers at seattle (currently +7) but Seattle is such a different team at home, despite their injury riddled sorry excuse for a football team. I do like...
Pittsburgh (-6) at Cleveland.
Cleveland collapsed and gave up for the Cowboys at home. I see no reason why they wont do the same for the Steelers. I've really got to pick a home team this week.
Oakland (+3.5) at Kansas City
Hey, it's Oakland, they just gave up 41 points to Snake Jr.
The Jets were one completion away from losing to the Dolphins! Matt Cassel with a week of practice on the first team wins this game. I want to pick the 49ers at seattle (currently +7) but Seattle is such a different team at home, despite their injury riddled sorry excuse for a football team. I do like...
Pittsburgh (-6) at Cleveland.
Cleveland collapsed and gave up for the Cowboys at home. I see no reason why they wont do the same for the Steelers. I've really got to pick a home team this week.
Oakland (+3.5) at Kansas City
Hey, it's Oakland, they just gave up 41 points to Snake Jr.
Run, don't walk...
...to your bookie, because Vegas is giving away money. The Redskins/Saints game is a pick'em right now. I have a feeling that number is going to change a lot by later in this week. So I want to get in on this now. The Skins were actually favored by 1 yesterday. I love the Skins and all, but they are not as talented as the Saints even with home field advantage. I hope I am wrong, but I think this pick will hit 9 times out of 10. I'd be stupid NOT to pick this game. More winners later this week. Homos.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Week 1 in review
Not the greatest start to the year, 1-2 on my picks and 1-0 on my upset. 50/50 overall thus far. Turns out Houston isn't anywhere near as good as I gave them credit for and I severely underestimated the Tennessee defense. 8 sacks, 2 picks and only 7 points? Where did that come from? I wish I had gotten to see some of that game. Garrard only had 3 picks all of last season, he's my backup fantasy QB for that reason, it makes me wonder if his consistency has fallen off just that much or if the Titans D is just that good. In the future I think I'll take my own advice and not lay my picks so heavily on visiting teams.
All the Sunday Night Football crew could talk about was how Chicago was “stunning” the colts and everyone else. Yeah, they stunned everyone who doesn't remember what a healthy Chicago defense can do and has been in a cave regarding Manning's surgery. After the game Urlacher looked really insulted by a sideline reporter who suggested their win was a “huge upset.” The only thing that stunned me was the bears offense which put up 20 points. Not stellar or anything but when you're expecting more like 6, well, it's surprising. I think this makes them overachievers, as 6 points from the offense would've still won the game. I wonder why nobody accused Lovie Smith of running up the score during the press conference? How competitive does the NFC north look all of a sudden?
While I'm on the subject of the Sunday Night Football crew I've got to rant a little about how they're consistently phoning it in. They seem to make whatever random comment comes to mind whether or not it's based on any kind of even rudimentary knowledge of the team or, in the case of some comments, the past 15 minutes. Since we got to hear from these chuckle heads twice already this week I'm going to point out one remark from each game, though there are certainly more if I wanted to really draw this out. During the Washington at New Jersey game the announcers remarked that the one thing you can count on is that a Tom Coughlin coached team is always a disciplined team. Now, they're old, so lets not hold it against them that they can't remember two years ago when the Giants lead the league in personal fouls. The fact is, in the game they were commenting on, the Giants had already committed two fifteen yard personal fouls! Icing on the cake came on the very next play when a late hit drew a third personal foul. Fast forward to the Sunday night game. Bears have the ball at midfield, 3rd and 6. Draw play, Matt Forte up the middle breaks off a 51 yard touchdown run. Next Bears possession, 3rd and 5, draw play, Matt Forte up the middle for little or no gain. The announcers jump in with “teams usually assume they can run this draw play on the colts because their ends come to the outside so quickly, but not on third down, they protect it. You can't run the draw play on the colts on third down.” Excuse me? How can you so quickly forget a 51 yard touchdown run? Thanks for the insightful commentating NBC. How much do these guys get paid? I hear a lot of people complaining about players who don't try hard enough, what about announcers?
So Tom Brady is out for the year. Football talking heads declare this to be just awful. I mean, he's the “elite” of the NFL. He's what the fans come to see! Fuck him. His team cheated and then played like poor sportsmen the entirety of the previous season. Karma assholes. As a Redskins fan I hate the Giants but I was still happy to see the Patriots “perfect” season fail. I'm also happy to see Tom Brady injured because I think the NFL is better off with a mediocre Patriots team. This also opens up the very real possibility of Jett Favre winning the AFC East. I still give the edge to the Patriots in the division, but it'll be a lot tighter now. Somebody will declare the Bills to be the front runner in the AFC East with the impressive win over the Seahawks. Beating the Seahawks on the road? Meaningless, the Bills still have a lot to prove. Let's examine Matt Cassell's assessment of the situation:
Week 1's best cheerleaders have to go to the Eagles. Check out the photo from philadelphiaeagles.com and note the domain in the link; somebody over there has a sense of humor.
All the Sunday Night Football crew could talk about was how Chicago was “stunning” the colts and everyone else. Yeah, they stunned everyone who doesn't remember what a healthy Chicago defense can do and has been in a cave regarding Manning's surgery. After the game Urlacher looked really insulted by a sideline reporter who suggested their win was a “huge upset.” The only thing that stunned me was the bears offense which put up 20 points. Not stellar or anything but when you're expecting more like 6, well, it's surprising. I think this makes them overachievers, as 6 points from the offense would've still won the game. I wonder why nobody accused Lovie Smith of running up the score during the press conference? How competitive does the NFC north look all of a sudden?
While I'm on the subject of the Sunday Night Football crew I've got to rant a little about how they're consistently phoning it in. They seem to make whatever random comment comes to mind whether or not it's based on any kind of even rudimentary knowledge of the team or, in the case of some comments, the past 15 minutes. Since we got to hear from these chuckle heads twice already this week I'm going to point out one remark from each game, though there are certainly more if I wanted to really draw this out. During the Washington at New Jersey game the announcers remarked that the one thing you can count on is that a Tom Coughlin coached team is always a disciplined team. Now, they're old, so lets not hold it against them that they can't remember two years ago when the Giants lead the league in personal fouls. The fact is, in the game they were commenting on, the Giants had already committed two fifteen yard personal fouls! Icing on the cake came on the very next play when a late hit drew a third personal foul. Fast forward to the Sunday night game. Bears have the ball at midfield, 3rd and 6. Draw play, Matt Forte up the middle breaks off a 51 yard touchdown run. Next Bears possession, 3rd and 5, draw play, Matt Forte up the middle for little or no gain. The announcers jump in with “teams usually assume they can run this draw play on the colts because their ends come to the outside so quickly, but not on third down, they protect it. You can't run the draw play on the colts on third down.” Excuse me? How can you so quickly forget a 51 yard touchdown run? Thanks for the insightful commentating NBC. How much do these guys get paid? I hear a lot of people complaining about players who don't try hard enough, what about announcers?
So Tom Brady is out for the year. Football talking heads declare this to be just awful. I mean, he's the “elite” of the NFL. He's what the fans come to see! Fuck him. His team cheated and then played like poor sportsmen the entirety of the previous season. Karma assholes. As a Redskins fan I hate the Giants but I was still happy to see the Patriots “perfect” season fail. I'm also happy to see Tom Brady injured because I think the NFL is better off with a mediocre Patriots team. This also opens up the very real possibility of Jett Favre winning the AFC East. I still give the edge to the Patriots in the division, but it'll be a lot tighter now. Somebody will declare the Bills to be the front runner in the AFC East with the impressive win over the Seahawks. Beating the Seahawks on the road? Meaningless, the Bills still have a lot to prove. Let's examine Matt Cassell's assessment of the situation:
Week 1's best cheerleaders have to go to the Eagles. Check out the photo from philadelphiaeagles.com and note the domain in the link; somebody over there has a sense of humor.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Quick Picks
I have two papers due tomorrow, so I have to bless you with my picks real quick.
Denver -3 at Oakland
It's Oakland. It will take a while to integrate all those high priced new players, if it ever happens anyway. If you are really horny to throw cash, go under the 41, too. Neither offense is really that good, let alone 20+ points a piece good.
Minnesota +2 1/2 at Green Bay
Look for the Vikings to win this game outright. A bit of an upset, but I think the Minnesota front four are one of the scariest units in the whole league. They are going to be a nightmare to block, and they will be rushing a first year QB. The only thing that worries me about this pick is Tavaris Jackson.
Denver -3 at Oakland
It's Oakland. It will take a while to integrate all those high priced new players, if it ever happens anyway. If you are really horny to throw cash, go under the 41, too. Neither offense is really that good, let alone 20+ points a piece good.
Minnesota +2 1/2 at Green Bay
Look for the Vikings to win this game outright. A bit of an upset, but I think the Minnesota front four are one of the scariest units in the whole league. They are going to be a nightmare to block, and they will be rushing a first year QB. The only thing that worries me about this pick is Tavaris Jackson.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Week 1
Don't have much time so I'll just throw up my picks for this week.
Jacksonville (-3) at Tennessee
The Titans just aren't very good. They made the playoffs because of the power disparity in the AFC. 5 great teams, 11 mediocre to awful teams. What does it say about a conference when only one playoff spot is really up for grabs at the start of the season?
Chicago (+9.5) at Indianapolis
Jacksonville (-3) at Tennessee
The Titans just aren't very good. They made the playoffs because of the power disparity in the AFC. 5 great teams, 11 mediocre to awful teams. What does it say about a conference when only one playoff spot is really up for grabs at the start of the season?
Chicago (+9.5) at Indianapolis
Hard not to like such a big spread when Peyton isn't 100%.
Houston (+6.5) at Pittsburgh
Houston has put together quite a pass rush. Pittsburgh has put together a trifling offensive line. The Texans will lose but it'll be less than a touchdown.
Upset of the week? Buffalo over Seattle.
If you're into statistics you might notice I picked three visitors, which is not fundamentally sound. Unfortunately, I haven't seen Drew's picks yet to know who I should bet against.
If you're into statistics you might notice I picked three visitors, which is not fundamentally sound. Unfortunately, I haven't seen Drew's picks yet to know who I should bet against.
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